There are sour commentators out there who would turn our Great British Bake Off into something else, something which is a thousand miles from bunting, icing and genteel panicking.
One newspaper used the inclusion of gay and Muslim contestants to rant about political correctness, even suggesting Flora’s carousel may have been better received had it been a chocolate mosque, prompting another to print a column celebrating the joyous diversity of this year’s bakers.
How I wish they’d all shut up; the Bake Off should be kept beautifully innocent and pristine, concerned only with the edible not the political, so when the final began at 8pm, the preaching and sniping was silenced and we were left only with three nervous bakers, two icy judges and the impish jesters, Mel and Sue.
The first round was deceptively simple: batches of iced buns. Tamal opted for something relatively plain, even though he’d been chided by the judges for this in previous weeks, and went for simple fillings of apple and caramel. To make matters worse, he wouldn’t be flavouring his icing. “This is the final,” Paul reminded him, with a chill in his voice.
Nadiya chose to break with tradition and make some of her buns round. “My buns are round!” chirped Mel with pride.
With Nadiya making two different shapes, Ian opted for two different doughs, choosing to flavour them with elderflower which prompted Mel to call him “a gentle, feminine, hedgerow-raiding soul.”
Up next, the Technical challenge called for six raspberry millefeuille, which the bakers had never even pronounced, let alone attempted. Nadiya and Tamal exchanged anxious whispers whilst Ian, on the other side of the tent, worked in plodding silence. It was like seeing the quiet classroom geek versus the two young cool kidz.
Cool kid or not, Nadiya’s nerves began to show. She ran back and forth, flapping her hands and wearing a comically pained expression – but that’s why she’s been the favourite for so long. She’s lovable as well as accomplished, and also fantastically dramatic, crying: “Whatever happens today I’ll live with it for the rest of my life!”
Yet she won the Technical challenge with ease, whereas Tamal failed terribly, with Mary saying his clumsily-stacked millefeuille “looks as though you’ve sat on the top to squash it all in.” Paul’s verdict was devastatingly succinct: “What have you done?”
The Showstopper gave the bakers freedom, asking only for a multi-tiered, single-flavoured, classic British cake. As they got to work, rain began to pour down on the tent, the humidity not boding well for the caramel sculptures Tamal planned for his toffee cake which, strangely, was inspired by “an ancient abandoned Chinese fishing village.”
Ian opted for a Colossal Curvy Carrot Cake though his mixture resembled hideous brown coleslaw, and Nadiya, ever the creator of the fantastic and colourful, made a lemon wedding cake, decorated with jewels and draped in purple saris.
There were now so many tears that I'm surprised the cakes weren't salty. Ian used his apron to mop his wet face but Nadiya's tears, and her awesome talent, won the nation's hearts and tums and, of course, the contest. She hasn't just become a better baker, but a more confident, assured person. It was never just about cakes.
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