Celebrity MasterChef
BBC1, last night
BETWEEN Celebrity MasterChef launching last night and The Great British Bake Off next week, is there anyone in the UK who is not up to their oxters in self-raising flour and mezzalunas?
Now on its 13th series, MasterChef opened with the customary ritual of folk who perform for a living telling us how terrified they were to be cooking on camera.
The actor Keith Allen felt like a gladiator about to battle lions, while rugby player Martin Bayfield, who looks like a Yeti in an apron, had a modest wish list: “Try not to remove any digits, hopefully no-one dies.”
Carol Decker of T’Pau was out of her comfort zone rustling up a chilli from the mystery ingredients box. “At home I would have had a half bottle of red wine by now and wouldn’t care. I’m not allowed to do that here.” Viewers at home saluted her heroism with a swig.
The amateurs in a professional kitchen round showed what a bad idea it would be to mix booze and hot ovens, with a few burned paws among the celebs. It was with some relief that they returned to the studio for the final round of making a two course dinner in an hour.
Judges John Torode and Gregg Wallace set about their job of observing from afar, sucking their teeth and wincing, like builders about to give a painful estimate. “I’ve seen many a contestant in tears with their fondants,” said Gregg as Carol wrestled with a chocolate sponge pudding. At least she presented her dish prettily. Keith’s chicken casserole, in contrast, looked like something the cat coughed up.
For all their protests, the first five of 20 contestants came up with some impressive dishes, with Bayfield in particular one to watch. “There’s a cook in you mate,” Gregg said. Given his size, I’d be surprised if it was just the one.
As Keith waited for the judgment, he found time to squeeze in some extra fretting. “There’s gotta be a food presentation workshop I can go to somewhere,” he sighed in what was possibly the most North London luvvie sentence heard on TV this year. Until he opened his gob again, that is. “They may have seen there’s a journey I can take vis a vis presentation.”
Oh, I think we can all suggest a journey you can take, Keith.
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