Thanks to the unremitting churn of the seasons and their attendant weather patterns, where once I was a mamil I am now a mamidpoha. Oh yes.

My embrace of motorcycling has not merely added the weight of a V-twin engine to my preferred mode of transport for commuting, but it has also sired in my fevered mind an acronym that, though ludicrous, best covers the technical clothing I now wear while riding said motorbike.

Mamil, should you be lucky enough not to have been sullied by the linguistic equivalent of Donald Trump’s dandruff, stands for middle-aged man in Lycra, of which there is a staggering number these days, veins throbbing and concrete calves swelling and shrinking with each revolution of the cleated pedals on their bicycles. Not so long ago I was a member of this tribe.

Loading article content

Mamidpoha, on the other hand, applies to motorcyclists who are prepared to batter their Visa cards by purchasing apparel designed to bring a scintilla of comfort to riding through the dark months.

Most mornings and evenings of the working week from now until spring I will be a middle-aged man in Drywave Plus, Outlast and Hi-Art, the three pillars of technology that make my new Halvarssons jacket and trousers stand out from all but the landed gentry of the motorcycle clothing.

Halvarssons is to motorcyclists what its fellow Swedish firm SAAB was to car drivers. Where the marque set new standards for safety and comfort without sacrificing affordability, Halvarssons kit keeps you dry (that’s the Dryway Plus membrane) and warm (the Outlast temperature-regulating layer).

Should you find yourself skiting along the Tarmac, it will help retain the loving bond between your skin and the flesh beneath it thanks to the presence of Hi-Art – or High Abrasion Resistant Textile Technology – on the elbows, back and so forth, which is apparently 500 times stronger than non-Hi-Art material.

Seeing as I own one of its more bonkers machines you don’t need to remind me that SAAB went bust a few years ago, the ultimate consequence of losing money on every car it ever manufactured.

Halvarssons, though, charges a hefty premium to anyone aspiring to mamidpoha status, a business model that should see it return a substantial profit so long as motorcycles are legal in countries where half the year is blighted by woeful weather.

The broader point here is not to boast about my new kit. Rather it is primarily to underline how profoundly addictive motorcycling can be – making throwing the best part of a grand at high-quality clothing preferable to forcing your machine into hibernation – and secondly to remind all you drivers out there that, beneath all the fancy kit worn by the dude or dudette on the motorcycle you have just surged past in the peeing rain, there is a vulnerable human juggling a dizzying number of variables to arrive safely at their destination.

Yes, it is their choice to ride in such conditions but that doesn’t rob them of their rights to respectful treatment. Give them plenty of room and ample notice of your next manoeuvre.

Don’t turn a mamil or a mamidpoha into a mamic, where “C” stands for coffin.