The Laird’s Table

Kilmarnock

IS THERE an actual laird, I ask the waitress as she bustles around the table it being quite busy in here today. Oh, yes, there is, sir, she replies, clearly surprised that I would not know this, and she says he’s normally in the restaurant.

At that very moment, thanks to the wonders of Google, a photo of the actual laird wearing the sort of outfit that, frankly, only an actual laird would wear at home flashes up on Leo’s phone.

Ah, that explains the rather cheesy restaurant name then, I think. And some of the stuff on this menu.

The poor chap apparently survives on giant sausage rolls stuffed, as sausage rolls usually are these days, with black pudding. Whether this is hokum for the tourists or he actually eats something called a Laird’s Wellington as part of the Laird’s Lunch (£7.95) I do not know but we order it up out of curiosity anyway.

We request some smoked hake fishcakes, too, a humus platter, a rare roast beef salad and two portions of the Laird’s skinny chips.

Now, the actual No1 attraction at the Laird’s Table I have to report is not whether there is an actual laird in tartan trews about, but the view out the plate glass windows.

This is a tasteful building, so new that we have to negotiate builders and a building site simply to get in, after leaving the motors in a car park that until finished will probably be best suited on very rainy days to Land Rovers.

But it’s worth it. The restaurant faces onto what seems to be something called Craufurdland Fishery – a picture perfect little loch with relaxing grassy banks, majestic sprawling trees and, on this mild afternoon, fish jumping clear out the water at flies. It is an absolutely beautiful spot. Though how they have managed to design this wooden clad building without including an open-air terrace out front or even some decking is a wonder. Judging by the solar panels that have been laid where these things should possibly go there isn’t one of either in the pipeline.

So magnetically attractive is this peaceful water that when we finish our meal Leo, Gordon and I will immediately head out for a gentlemanly stroll around it. Only to be told that alas it is completely out of bounds. In case a hook takes an eye out, or something catastrophic like that. Or we disturb the fishermen. Or fisherman. As there is only one there today.

In fact on a wander trying to find a woodland walk we will come upon many signs warning of privacy areas, whatever they are, and private sections which somehow take the gloss of being out in nature.

There may well be a castle nearby, too, but we don’t spy it.

Still, you’ll be wondering about the food? I was, too, suspecting that it would be the kind of touristy fare that doesn’t really draw anyone back. Actually, it’s better than that.

OK, you’re not going to risk swimming the loch after a portion of the Laird’s Wellington with its puff pastry, Ayrshire pork sausage and black pudding but it’s carefully cooked, lightly pastried and perfectly pleasant. There are cubes of Campbelltown (I think) cheddar. The picallili is made here and good.

The roast beef is indeed rare and carved from an actual joint and every plate comes with so much greenery that all the dishes, including those hand-made fishcakes, somehow look like salads.

This would be a bad thing if it wasn’t for the fact that the salads themselves are vibrant, herby and pleasantly dressed.

We have a decent lunch, then, amidst full tables packed with families and couples young and old.

There is a far more ambitious dinner menu and I daresay the loch would look even more spectacular by moonlight but for a lunch, lochside rules apart, it’s worth a trip.

The Laird’s Table

Craufurdland Castle

Kilmarnock

01560 600003

Menu: Daytime cafe menu with the Laird’s Wellington, rare beef salads, rolls and baked potatoes. More ambitious at night. 3/5

Service; Pleasant and reasonably efficient when I visited on a busy lunchtime. 4/5

Price: The Laird’s Lunch is £7.95, the hummus salads come in at £6.95, they serve breakfast rolls too. 3/5

Atmosphere: The view from the dining room over the tree-ringed loch is pretty much worth a visit on its own – even if you can’t get near it. 4/5

Food: Mostly light lunchtime cafe food but there’s clear evidence of a careful hand in the kitchen to make it slightly better than the usual fare. 6/10

20/30