Kaitlin Monaghan, bodybuilder
BEFORE I walk onto that stage, it's nerve-racking. I feel so many emotions, all at once: excitement and fear. I think to myself, I've put all this hard work in for what, a couple of minutes on stage? When I'm standing on there and everyone is cheering my name, it makes everything that I've put my body through physically and emotionally worth it. It's so much more than just competing: it's my life.
My friend was competing in a show so I decided to go and I felt inspired. It made made me compete the following year. I've been involved in competitions for three years now. Last year, I did two shows and the year before I did one. This year, I'm competing in the British finals. Training is easy but posing is difficult; walking around in heels and posing a certain way is challenging.
This year has been so much better, before I was not confident on stage, I started stumbling and had to laugh or else I would have cried. This year, I've worked hard to be more confident but it's a constant panic waiting backstage but gradually I feel more comfortable.
Bodybuilding has changed my life. I love the challenge, I'm stronger, not just physically but also emotionally. I struggled with anxiety and body building helped me by giving me a focus. I'm a personal trainer and since I started competing, it has helped me to grow my business. I've met an amazing community of people, some really strong and empowering women. Everyone is going for the win but we all support each other.
There are lots of health risks but I make sure to do it as healthily as possible. For one of my shows, I had to eat 3000 calories every day and bland foods, like rice, potatoes, egg whites and oats. It took me a long time to grow muscle. When I started my cut, I was eating 1,800 calories which is high for a bikini competitor, some girls only eat 800 calories.
I built my calories high then my body weight decreased dramatically. It does mess with my hormones, restricting my body fat to a low percentage but I won't do it for the rest of my life. Every year, I ask should I keep going? But, I love it; it's addictive.
It's a great feeling watching my body change but it has an impact mentally. The mind has to be in a good place. Lots of people want to participate because they see images posted on social media but it's unsustainable. It's emotionally difficult more than anything. I love the changes but seeing my body change post-show is hard. Competing involves focusing purely on myself: it's a selfish sport. It can have a detrimental impact on relationships too so it's important to have positive and supportive people.
People often ask me how I stay so motivated but I don't. I need to put on a brave face because of my job, some days, I don't feel motivated at all but if I don't show motivation, it will seriously impact my clients. I always think of end goal and that's the motivation that pushes me to keep going.
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