Buck’s Bar

Glasgow

SPRAYED subversively under the stairs at Buck’s Bar is a stencil of the Colonel with devil’s horns coming from his head. Quite funny, that. Definitely funnier than the thrashing rock they are playing at full blast, and I mean full blast, that sends a definite tic a-twitching at the corner of my mouth in time with the music as my tiny brain struggles with two conflicting messages: “Jaysus, turn it down” and “Hey, don’t say a thing; it’s for the young dudes.”

In fact my kids, who are sitting here and are neither Rod nor Todd, though I may well be turning into Ned Flanders, concur vaguely on the volume thing.

Oh, the Colonel graffitied under the stairs, in case you are wondering, is of course Col Saunders of Kentucky Fried Chicken fame. And also, in case you hadn’t noticed, fried chicken has gone all gourmet. Yee-hah!

Guilt-free, too, it says on the menu. I take it that means you no longer have to put a bag over your head when you visit your favourite drive-thru. In fact, in London right now, during the post-gourmet-burger and fried-chicken boom, you can eat sweet-tea-brined fried chicken, boosted by the layering of lemon salt and Tabasco honey at restaurants. No, seriously.

Usually though there’s just much hoo-ha about buttermilk soaking and the poor little critters being entirely free range before being chopped up and dredged in seasoned flour.

None of this really explains why Buck’s, with its crimson walls and wood from crates, has the feel of one of those dark biker bars you see in a 1970s Clint Eastwood movie.

It’s also kind of lacking in any strong clue as to whether it’s a bar or a food place, although everybody in here, about five tables tonight, is eating.

Two staff kind of linger stage left behind the bar for much of the time, with nowhere else to go. It’s not a great system.

Anyway, we start with wings, a selection of them: Buck’s 25 ingredients, Leo’s Firewings, sweet soy and chilli yadayada. They’re all crisp and cleanly fried and the sauces are pretty good if nothing out of the ordinary.

You can get wings anywhere nowadays. What you can’t get anywhere is what Buck is promising will be “the best free-range buttermilk fried chicken you have ever tasted”.

Now, before we try this something was said earlier about a huge rack of chilli sauces on the other side of the room, kind of Nando’s plus then plus again. There’s no need to go over because the chicken comes with dips too. Before we try a mouthful the hand-cut Rooster chips arrive so dark, heavy and unattractive – from a clear issue with the frying oil – that we politely – honestly, very politely – send them back again. Only for a new batch to come out looking and tasting exactly the same. Hey ho.

There are no colour problems with the chicken, which looks very good. Three pieces, crisp and fairly golden, for £7.95.

First impressions? The meat is tender and moist but tastes slightly sourly of that buttermilk. Second impressions? Umm, there’s no seasoning, spice or flavour whatsoever in the clumsy, thick, hard coating. In fact it’s more like an anti-flavour. Even worse, there are claggy lumps of unfried batter mix in the folds and corners. Not good.

In case you’re thinking I’m not giving them a chance, this is actually my second visit. The chicken was equally bland, spice-free and heavily battered last time I was here with my pal Joe.

Maybe it’s actually a lot harder than it seems to make good fried chicken. Dunno if this helps, but the Colonel’s original recipe has apparently just been leaked on the internet. Salt plays a part in it.

Until they read it I suggest you fried chicken fans out there get those head-covering bags back out.

Buck’s Bar

111 West Regent Street, Glasgow (0141 221 2327)

Menu: Gourmet buttermilk fried chicken arrives in Glasgow or does it? Not very gourmet despite the menu. 3/5

Atmosphere: It’s also a rock bar which means very loud music and bare biker decor that doesn’t seem to have much to do with chicken. 3/5

Service: Can’t decide whether it’s a bar or a restaurant and as result the staff are behind the bar much of the time which ain’t great. 3/5

Price: No problems here with around £8 for a fairly large portion of free-range chicken. 4/5

Food: They’re proud of their chicken recipe but I found it heavy, claggy and tasteless. Needs a rethink. The Colonel doesn’t have much to worry about. 4/10

Total: 17/30