Barking mad
WE’VE mentioned how technology has changed our lives. Says a Newton Mearns reader: “I was reversing out of a parking space at the Silverburn shopping centre when my wife suddenly shouted, ‘Oh my God!’ I slammed on my brakes fearing I had run over a child.
“When I looked round to find out what was wrong she was staring at her phone and told me, ‘Have you seen the cute video of her dog my sister has posted?’”
Teacher takes the throne
FANS are getting excited about the impending seventh series of the bloodthirsty fantasy series Game Of Thrones. It reminds us of the Belgian teacher a few years back who was trying to quieten an unruly class. He eventually told them: “I know you are fans of Game of Thrones. Just to say I’ve read all the books, and if you don’t shut up I’ll write on the board the name of the next person who
dies in it.”
The class went silent.
Well managed
WE always find Junior football in Scotland cheers us up. Shettleston Juniors have sacked boss James McKenna after only 36 days in charge and before his new squad has even played a game. We liked James’s sang-froid as he told the Evening Times: “A lot of people thought I wouldn’t hack it in the Super First Division but here I am moving on to pastures new without losing a game.”
Summit wrong
JOKES that only work in Glasgow, continued. Says Andy Bollen: “I bumped into Theresa May, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin in Maryhill. They were looking for the G20 Summit. I’ll get my coat.”
Green with envy
IT was the Irish Open last week, and entertainer Andy Cameron recalls: “It reminded me of playing golf in Tipperaray where local man John Hayes on a par four mishit his second shot, which skited along the ground for 165 yards on to the green and dropped into the hole. Seeing my look of disdain he says, ‘Andrew, put that down as a two – thankfully there are no pictures on a scorecard’.”
One singer, one song
A BEARSDEN reader emails with the question: “Can you imagine the first person to sing ‘Happy Birthday’, standing there belting it out, no one joining in as they didn’t know what he was on about?”
What’s in a name
OUR stories about verbal misunderstandings remind David Will in Glasgow: “A Dutch friend was receiving treatment for an ankle injury at the Royal Infirmary. Before leaving A&E he insisted he needed a Doctor Sline. The staff, not knowing of a doctor of that name anywhere in the hospital, eventually twigged that he meant a doctor’s line.”
Son of a gun
MUCH debate on America over Donald Trump’s son admitting to meeting Russians before the election to discuss damaging information about Hillary Clinton. We liked the BBC’s online explanation of the story, and to the question: “Is this a smoking gun?” the Beeb replied: “What is a gun? What is smoke? Is anything real any more? The media could discover a metaphorical .357 Magnum on the floor, still warm to the touch, and it would probably be dismissed by many as just another bit of fake news.”
The sell-out show
IT will soon be the Edinburgh Festival, and Fringe performers are bombarding us with pleas to mention their shows, along with videos, photos, tickets, leaflets and other complicated stunts. So we liked the simplicity of Lewis Schaffer who simply emailed: “Would you please do me a favour? If someone asks you ‘What should you see at Edinburgh this year?’would you say, ‘See Lewis Schaffer: Unopened Letters From My Mother’.”
It was Lewis who once told us: “My last four Fringe shows were 100 per cent sell-outs – if sell-out means I’ve sold out as an artist.”
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