DO you remember Monday? I remember Monday. On Monday I saw Nicola Sturgeon give a speech in which she called 10 times for more “consensus” in politics. But that was Monday.
Half a week is a long time in politics these days, and the FM isn’t big on rearview mirrors.
So when Ruth Davidson stood up at First Minister’s Questions to ask about teacher vacancies, Ms Sturgeon was already back in familiar kill-bot mode.
Why aren’t there more of these wonderful teacher thingies? asked the Tory leader.
Ms Sturgeon said Scotland, like other countries, had its challenges filling every post, but you know what, Ruth, “the biggest threat” was Brexit.
“That is the most pathetic excuse that I have ever heard,” exploded Ms Davidson, pointing out the SNP had cut 4000 teacher posts before anyone had ever heard of Brexit.
She then, unwisely, raised the case of a man who’d moved to Scotland in 2012 after teaching maths in England for 15 years but been told he’d have to retrain for a year to teach here.
Why couldn’t he be “fast-tracked” into a classroom?
Ms Sturgeon ducked under her desk and came up twirling a baseball bat. It’s on, her elated look said, as she revealed the rules had changed since 2012 and such people could now train and teach on probation.
Announcing the government would be contacting the teacher that very day about taking up a post, she snarled: “I am gobsmacked that Ruth Davidson did not bother to find out.”
Ropey Ruth startled burbling about years of SNP failure and red tape, but it was too late.
“We always know when Ruth has lost the plot,” said the FM, raising the bat aloft, “because we just get angry waffling in place of a question.” Smack!
Later, Tory Jackson Carlaw asked what happened to the good vibes of Tuesday, when SNP ministers accepted a Tory offer to work amicably together on the EU Withdrawal Bill.
“Does the FM want a soapbox to promote a grievance agenda, or does she genuinely want to seek to find a solution to the problems?” What she wanted was to clobber him.
“I am genuinely not sure how much attention Jackson Carlaw has being paying,” she said. “I don’t mean that pejoratively”.
As the laughter died down, she said the Tory government had dismissed SNP solutions on Brexit for months, and asked if Mr Carlaw could “forgive the degree of frustration”.
After the bludgeoning meted out to his boss, he looked willing to forgive the FM anything at all.
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