Parrot fashion

WE mentioned the Aberdeen parrot that turned on its owner's Alexa electronic helper. It reminds Ethel Fitzgerald: "My late aunt, in a bygone era, was on holiday leaving an empty house apart from Pedro her parrot. The electricity meter reader arrives with key from a neighbour as directed. Eventually, he finds the meter which is, as ever, in the most inaccessible, dark, kitchen cupboard, under many old coats, wellies and a shelf

"Pedro calls a friendly 'Hello-o' from the kitchen; the meter reader jumps with fright and gets the full force of the shelf on his head. He then comes into the kitchen, whereupon Pedro does his other party trick, whistling Bonnie Gallowa' perfectly in key (G) as taught to him by my late Uncle Bill Paton, one-time 'Provost of Whauphill'."

Burst his bubbles

AND talking of Alexa, a Glasgow reader swears he asked, while hosting a Boxing Day party that was going on too long: "Alexa, send everyone home." He claims the electronic device then played a Sydney Devine recording.

Actor shopped

ACTOR James Norton, who played the creepy killer and kidnapper in the award winning Happy Valley TV series is back on the screen in the series McMafia where he plays the son of a Russian Mafia boss. We liked his comment in today's Radio Times where he explains: "Some people have asked me if I’m worried about getting death threats for exposing how the Russian mafia works.That would be nothing new. Playing Tommy Lee Royce in Happy Valley, I’d get death threats buying milk in my local shop.”

X marks spot

AH Scottish men showing their emotions. Journalist Heather Suttie tells us: "I love my folks! My mum Flora remarked, 'Your Dad never puts kisses on the end of his texts'. My Dad responded by looking at his phone for a few minutes over the top of his glasses, before saying, 'Mine doesn't have a kiss button'."

Green with envy

FOLK are still talking about the Government's post-Brexit decision to revive the dark blue UK passport. John Clarke takes it a stage further and says: "Breaking news: following Brexit the UK Government have promised they will bring back the iconic avocado bathroom suite, phasing out the standard while European versions." Anything else you would like to see resurrected?

Vinyl hit

GROWING old continued. Ayrshire reader Georgie Martin reads in his local paper: "Trouble flared in clubs as drunken revellers kicked off in Ayr town centre. A woman kicked a bouncer at Fury's while another clubber belted a man in Vinyl." Says Georgie: "I do hope this is the name of the venue where the attack took place and not a description of the victim’s fashion choice."

Birthday celebration

A GLASGOW reader heard a chap in his local the other night point out: "It just dawned on me that my birthday is nine months after my dad's. So that's a bit of knowledge I can't get out of my head."

Got it wrapped

A FEW golfers have slipped out to have a beer at their local club. We hear of one chap in Ayrshire who told his pals: "I was watching a golfing review of the year in the TV lounge on Christmas Eve. When anyone came near the door I shouted that they couldn't come in, and they all went happily away thinking I was wrapping Christmas presents."