FMQs started 2018 with a tour, first-footing its way round the UK in search of the blameworthy.
The journey began with Ruth Davidson asking whether fewer hospital beds and social care places under the SNP might explain our choked A&Es.
The NHS in Scotland was “coping admirably” with the trolley-strewn hellscape, The First Minister insisted, before taunting the Tory leader about events in yonder Tory shires.
“I don’t know whether Ruth Davidson bothered to look at the news, but clinicians in England said that they have ‘run out of beds’ in the NHS,” she smiled.
Ms Davidson looked like she’d been given the wrong kind of thermometer to suck.
“Opposition leaders come to this chamber to ask the Scottish Government to take responsibility for the Scottish health service,” she spat.
It was Richard Leonard’s turn next. Everyone rolled their eyes. If Labour dares to mention the NHS, the FM always says it’s worse in Labour-run Wales.
This has become such a standard that SNP MSPs started chanting “Wales, Wales, Wales” as soon as Mr Leonard opened his mouth about NHS delays.
The FM brought up the Welsh Assembly. “Bingo!” shouted Labour’s Neil Findlay.
“Well, there you are,” said an unimpressed Mr Leonard, before silencing the chamber with an an account of an 80-year-old patient waiting 16 hours for A&E treatment.
Ms Sturgeon hastily and humbly apologised. Then blamed Westminster cuts.
Willie Rennie also raised NHS “failures”. This was briefly tricky for the FM. The LibDems aren’t in power anywhere higher than an allotment committee, so where to point the finger?
The past, of course! That’s another country, isn’t it?
“For a representative of the LibDems, the co-architects of austerity to ask that question is frankly unbelievable,” she said.
Mr Rennie got worked up hot and proper. “The FM really has a brass neck,” he roared.
“She cannot just blandly thank NHS staff over and over.”
What a great idea, thought Ms Sturgeon, thanking NHS staff. “They deserve more gratitude.” She looked at Mr Rennie.
Finally, Nat Christine Grahame was surprised at being called to ask a question. “Oh! Thank you, Presiding Officer,” she gasped. “I had given up.”
She was not alone.
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