For Lorne hope
SCOTS actor and former Dr Who, David Tennant, tried to explain square sausage to Americans in an interview at a fans' convention where he told them: "They scrape it off the floor of the butcher’s shop, slap it into a square, and you get this flat thing - like a tile shape. In fact, you could probably tile your bathroom with them and they would be entirely impregnable to everything.”
Inevitably a few butchers have taken umbrage at that description, but we recall the tale of the auld fella who asked his butcher if he added rusk when he made his square sausage. The butcher replied of course, as that's what binds it together.
"Aye," replied the worthy, "there was that much rusk in it, I didn't know whether to grill it or put milk on it."
Mum's the word
THE lovely American folk singer Joan Baez is returning to Glasgow's Royal Concert Hall in March. Irish folk singer Tommy Sands once recounted to an audience in Glasgow that he was on the same bill in Belfast as Joan who had arrived with her ageing mother, who was also called Joan. Tommy had invited both of them to his home before the show where his young son came home from school and naturally asked who the senior citizen was sitting in his house. ''I'm Joan Baez,'' said Mrs B, to which the young lad replied after careful consideration: ''You've got a good voice for an old woman.''
Rubbish question
PRESSING questions of our time. A south side reader phones to ask: "How far into January can I still blame my messy house on Christmas?"
That's torn it
WE asked what old insults should be revived, and old chum Reevel Alderson from BBC Scotland asks: "What was the meaning behind the exhortation, now sadly in desuetude, 'Away and raffle your doughnut!' And who these days could envisage what a 'face like a torn blind' looks like?"
Paints a picture
INTERESTING musing from comedian Kate Robbins who appeared at Glasgow's King's Theatre not so long ago in the show Fifty Shades of Beige. Said Kate: "A few years ago I met Princess Anne at a charity event. In the pre-show line-up she asked me what what I did.
I said, ‘I’m an impressionist’ to which she replied, ‘Do you have an exhibition on anywhere?’"
Called to account
TOUGH time financially just now for many who overindulged their credit cards at Christmas. A Glasgow reader swears he heard a young woman tell her pals: "I went into the bank and asked if I could open a joint account. The woman said, 'Of course' and asked me who I was going to open it with. 'Anyone rich,' I told her."
Bare faced cheek
AND for sheer daftness, a reader in Knightswood emails: "I scared the postman today by going to the door naked.
"I’m not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived."
Hold your horses
HONESTLY thought a colleague had come over to tell me something interesting when he pitched up and declared: "Just found out my mate is the front end of Black Beauty in a new stage production." But then he added after a pause: "He’s a bit of a dark horse."
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here