Get a grip

AFTER our stories about Scottish funerals, a reader recalled: "Mourners at a Port Glasgow Catholic funeral were momentarily confused by the apparent choice of hymn as pall-bearers carried the coffin into the chapel at the start of the service. No, I Watch The Sunrise, or How Great Thou Art. Instead, a full verse and chorus of Jimmy Johnstone and Jim Kerr’s version of Dirty Old Town, which turned out to be the ringtone on a phone in the pocket of an unfortunate pall-bearer whose hands were otherwise engaged."

Great Scott

A NINE-FOOT tall statue of architect Charles Rennie Macintosh has been unveiled in Glasgow's Anderston. It was designed by the remarkable Andy Scott, whose Kelpie horse-heads are becoming one of the most popular works of art in Scotland. Despite that, Andy is not that well known. He once told of flying to America, and the airline's magazine had a picture of the Beacon, a giant female statue he created in Belfast, on its cover. Andy joked with his wife, wondering if he would get a free glass of champagne if he pointed out he designed it. "Let's find out," said his wife who told the passing stewardess, who was from Glasgow. "Aye, right," she said, and kept on walking.

Deal or no deal

SO what are we to make of Britain's current political crisis? Journalist David Wyllie had an interesting take on it. "Things haven't been right since we turned the large Hadron Collider on, I'm just saying," he said.

And Simon Ricketts tried to come to Theresa May's rescue. As he put it: "It makes a lot of sense that Theresa May has postponed the Brexit vote. After all, it’s the best deal for Britain and we don’t want to rush that. We want to savour the brilliance of that deal. Draw it out. Like sipping a fine wine."

Trumped

MEANWHILE, for light relief, we occasionally look at American politics. A Glasgow reader phones to point out: "If Donald Trump wanted Hillary Clinton locked up, he should have hired her to work on his campaign."

Staggering

FORMER rugby player Norrie Rowan is in the Caribbean helping out at the Barbados Sevens, yes, how do I not get invited to do that? Anyway, Norrie tells us: "After the referee's briefing with the coaches, they were asked if they had any questions. One American coach asked how many staggers will each team get. I thought rugby's changed since my day. Apparently it's American for ballboys."

Off her trolley

BRINGING up children, continued. A harassed mother emails us: "As a child, I never thought most of my 'quality alone time' as an adult would be spent supermarket shopping."

Chip off the block

THE Herald reported that a fish and chip shop in Dunkeld was selling a deep-fried Christmas dinner, including turkey goujons, parsnip fritters and battered Brussels sprouts. It reminds us of a reader who took visitors from New Zealand to a Maryhill chip shop to prove to the disbelievers that you can actually get deep-fried pizza, which they had never heard of. In front of them was a teenage mother with her child in a pram who ordered a sausage supper. Our reader was impressed that the healthy eating message was getting through as when she was asked if she wanted salt and vinegar she replied: "Aye, but go easy on the salt – it's for the wean."

Doing porridge

TODAY'S daft musing comes from a reader who declares: "I always thought that they should make porridge sound more glamorous by describing it as 'Oat Cuisine'."