No show without David

AS general election fever grips Britain, one question, spotted yesterday on social media, seems to be worth flagging up: “Has anyone actually confirmed that David Dimbleby will be free on June 8?”

Standard question

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JOHN B Henderson, meanwhile, believes Theresa May’s snap election call puts George Osborne in a quandary. “After all, wasn’t he going to be starting his new job at the Evening Standard in early May? “he asks. “Isn’t he now going to be a bit focused, you know, on perhaps defending his Tatton seat?

“Couldn’t happen to a nicer person.”

One good turn

SOME taxi-drivers can’t resist having fun at the expense of passengers.

Up in Stornoway, says Norman MacDonald, a woman in his taxi asked why there was scaffolding around the War Memorial. He said it was being re-pointed, but she asked, “Why do they need to re-point it?”

To which Norman responded, “Because it’s just been discovered that it’s facing the wrong way. It was meant to be facing Tiumpan Head and they’re rotating it 90 degrees”.

“Oh”, she said, completely taken in. “That’s going to take them all summer.”

Mexican stand-off

POSSIBLY the last anecdote related to the United Airlines farrago. Back in the nineties, Archie Burleigh was on a rugby trip in Colorado. “Our return flight from Denver to Boston was full and the aisle was jammed with 20-plus standing passengers”, he says.

“The cabin steward announced that those passengers wishing to take an alternative flight would be rewarded with an all-expenses paid weekend in Acapulco.

“After the stampede, apart from the empty seats, we had to persuade some of the rugby nippers to get back on board for their return to Glasgow.”

United, Archie concludes, should take note.

Pet Sounds

“LUCKY animals! £3,500 spent on them”, exclaims reader George Smith upon reading a Herald news story to that effect on Monday . “I don’t get anything like that spent on me”. Actually, George, the total figure for pets is much higher than that. The £3,500 relates to just their first year ...

Counter culture

SHOP songs, more of. Referencing Porgy and Bess, Gordon Smith suggests Somerfield (And the Shopping is Easy).

Alternatively, he says, there’s Peter Gabriel singing about Sainsbury Hill.

John Shedden offers Home on The Range, while Andy Ewan says his suggestions “are probably a reflection of my age”:

• A Walk in the Black Forrest Furnishing

• Waterstones sunset

• Love Asda drug

Any more?

And finally ...

ALL things considered, this might be an odd time to launch a new book called The Aleppo Cookbook.

That said, chef Marlene Matar’s book is an impressive celebration of Syria’s “legendary cuisine”. And for every copy sold, the publishers, Head of Zeus, are making a donation to Hand in Hand for Syria, who provide humanitarian aid in the country.