Singing Glasgow's praises

A FALKIRK reader on holiday in Port de Pollenca in Majorca was chatting to the Spanish singer, Laura Rocher, who was performing in the lounge of their hotel. Says our reader: "Between songs she told us she studied in Glasgow as a student. 'I loved the city,' she told us, then added, 'but going there didn't improve my English'."

Tentative suggestion

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TALKING about holidays, we liked comedian Jack Whitehall's description of a family vacation in this week's Radio Times. "When I was a child we went camping in France and Dad refused to stay in the tent. He booked a hotel down the road while my mum, my little sister and I all stayed on the camp site. We met up every evening for dinner - it was probably the best holiday we've ever had."

On the run

WE do enjoy overheard conversations on buses. A Bishopbriggs reader tells us: "A man, presumably the husband or partner, says to the woman beside him as he rises to disembark from the bus, 'Dae ye want me to get ye merr Senokot while I'm in the toon?'

"'Naw' was her reply. 'Ah've enough tae keep me gaun'."

Taking great strides

READER Alice McLean reads an interview with farmer and broadcaster Adam Henson in a Sunday newspaper which described him as a "rare breeks and arable farmer'. Says Alice: "Can't wait to see what he's wearing on his next appearance on Countryfile."

Quick fire

WE bump into our old chum Mark Bratchpiece who has a new Kindle e-book of pithy poems published entitled "Now I Know What Rhymes With Schmuck." We ask him how his stand-up show at the Edinburgh Fringe went and he told us: "I think my favourite gag was telling the audience, 'I remember asking my father what he did in the war. And he shot me."

Verbal kicking

OUR tales of taciturn folk reminds Matt Vallance in Ayrshire of when Liverpool manager Bill Shankly was taking part in one of the club's fiercely contested five-a-side matches during training. Says Matt: "Shankly was claiming a goal, but Ian St John was having none of it, so Shankly asked right back Chris Lawler, famously a man of few words, if it was a goal.

"Lawler gave the answer that Shankly didn't want, that it wasn't a goal, to which Shankly replied, 'The first time you ever speak here, and it's to tell a lie. I'm ashamed of you'."

Gulp

GLASGOW bar The Flying Duck, is one of the few that only serves vegan meals. A reader visiting the basement bar noticed that a graffiti artist in the gents' toilet felt the need to take the vegan message a bit further by writing on the wall "I'm vegan, but I like a wee bevy. No animals were harmed making beer."

Inevitably a pedantic vegan - there are a few - had added below "Actually, most use fish derivatives in the filtering process" and signed it "Vegan Killjoy".

No laughing matter

WE mentioned Glasgow's old newspaper the Evening Citizen after a bar was opened which is named after it. A reader recalls Citizen columnist Mamie Baird writing in a humorous way about the trials and tribulations of bringing up her daughter which she nicknamed Poggles - Poggles later became broadcaster Sally Magnusson. A Citizen reader didn't realise that Mamie was exaggerating the difficulties for comedic effect as the paper printed a letter which stated: "I cannot believe that you consider your experiences of motherhood either typical or helpful. I fear that numerous young couple have been laughing heartily at you."

A load of bull

TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from a Baillieston reader who emails: "Our local Co-op was broken into last night and two dozen cases of Red Bull were stolen. I don't know how these people sleep at night."

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"A welcome sign of Glasgow West End self-awareness," says post code aficionado and Diary chum David Belcher.