IF THE NHS in Scotland weren’t in such crisis right now I’d be joining the queues at A&E asking for a manhood removal. Why? Because being a man is a precarious position these days. What it stands for is misogyny and abuse.

What’s prompted the move towards figurative self-emasculation? The Golden Globes this week. It wasn’t so much a celebration of the best of film and television but a political opportunity to reposition men as the enemy. The background music may as well have been the Nutcracker Suite.

When Natalie Portman stood at the podium to announce the Best Director in a Film, then added pointedly “the all-male nominees” it was embarrassing, hurtful and unfair. It left the hall, and the world, with the sentiment that the three nominees should be apologising for making very good films that brought them to this celebration. Was it their fault a female director hadn’t made the final cut this year, that only 13 per cent of Hollywood directors are women?

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Instead of making this attention-grabbing aside, Portman should be establishing a platform to tackle any perceived conspiracy, encourage more young women to get behind the lens, not shaming the successful because they happen to be men.

And as for the little black dress campaign, conceived allegedly as an attack on the Weinsteins, it all looked to be fatuous, little more than a photo opportunity and a career enhancer. A stylist who dressed Mariah Carey told The Hollywood Reporter: “We are all fighting for the same black dresses.” Another said stylists would be having sleepless nights over how to showcase their clients in black garments.

One leading British journalist (female) however attacked the black dressers as being “utterly hypocritical” and she wasn’t wrong. Meryl Streep wore a black dress, a woman who until recently labelled Weinstein ‘God.’ In 2017, Oprah was pictured kissing Weinstein on the cheek. A year later she’s denoting his professional death by wearing black.

This week, the English FA announced a whistleblowing scheme whereby women who are abused can come forward. This is a great idea. But where were Streep and Winfrey in recent years when it came to setting up something similar in Hollywood? They have the power and influence. Think about that job before you take over from Trump, Oprah.

But more importantly, it’s been argued the night wasn’t just a condemnation of the Harveys out there. This was solidarity not just against men outed as sex-pests but against all men and the hypocrisy is epic.

The Hollywood Reporter has repeatedly pointed out that the abuse perpetrated by men involves a very small amount of people. No mention of this at the Golden Globes, nor the fact many men wore black shirts by way of solidarity? And by not giving them credit you risk alienation.

Men, as a sex, were also under fire when it came to the BBC’s former China editor Carrie Gracey’s complaint against the corporation. The feminists’ hero of the week took a principled stance, citing her pay to be far less than male counterparts “doing the same job.” (This of course doesn’t factor in experience, ability to do the job, the fact there is no collective bargaining, etc).

But because men have the title/position which offers preposterous pay levels, do women have to demand the same? Gracey, we learned, had been offered a £45k on top of her £135k salary, taking her way above the salary of the Prime Minister, but wanted equality with the likes of North American editor Jon Sopel (£200k to £249k).

Are you saying you want the equal chance to laugh at the licence payer, Carrie, in the way of John Humphrys (£600-649k) or Eddie Mair (estimated £350k)?

Where Gracey fell down was in not replying when asked if she felt men’s (outrageous) salaries should be brought down in line with those of women to balance it out. Her ‘No comment’ said a great deal. This suggests it’s not about parity. It’s about earning way more than a journalist deserves.

Of course, the BBC should be tackled if it’s been shown to favour men. Attack management and agents, the men who agree the figures. And if match up to the Sopel you should be paid exactly the same. No question. But argue for sensible, equal wages. Fight instead for the low paid females in the BBC. Otherwise, it’s not a battle against men and power. It’s about pursuing obscene amounts of money.

And try to remember all men aren’t the problem. A sane voice emerged this week in the form of screen legend Catherine Denueve, one of 100 French women who wrote an open letter, warning about a new "puritanism" sparked by recent sexual harassment scandals. "Men have been punished summarily, forced out of their jobs when all they did was touch someone's knee or try to steal a kiss," it said. What the French star reckons is most men aren't abusers. They want women to succeed. They want young women to have the education, encouragement, legal support and confidence to achieve as much as their male counterparts, whether in film or journalism.

Black dresses don’t matter.