Waxing lyrical

THERE has been a recent explosion in the number of Turkish barbers in Scotland, and that can mean getting used to their idiosyncrasies. Scots actor Tom Urie remarks: "I went for a hot towel shave today. The guy asked if I wanted my nostrils waxed - I had no idea what this was but said aye. He put two things up my nose then whipped them out - basically pulling all my internal organs out through my nostrils. He then set fire to my ears."

A bit political

ITV political editor Robert Peston is to appear at Glasgow's Aye Wright! book festival in March. We always liked Robert's reference to people complaining about his hair or the way he spoke when he first appeared on the BBC. Said Robert: "I know the BBC found it quite uncomfortable, and they sent me off for training to iron out my eccentricities. They failed completely.

"They hired various presentation specialists, all of whom have gone on to seek other careers, I’m sure, because it was a total failure."

Let's face it

IT has still been a bit chilly over the past few days. A Milngavie woman was heard telling her friends: "Who needs to spend all that money on Botox. I get the same result on my face just taking my dog out for a walk these mornings."

What a bunch

A GLASGOW reader swears to us a fellow toper in his local was complaining the other day: "The wife was a bit down about her 50th birthday so I told her I would send her a huge bouquet of red roses with one for every year. Bloody florist didn't realise what it was for, and as it was a big order threw in six extra roses for nothing."

Chickening out

IT was a good try but just didn't quite work, reckons a Renfrew reader. Local butcher Bannatyne's put on Facebook: "Great new range of sauces in stock which are suitable for vegetarians, vegans, coeliacs and gluten free." It then added: " Just add lamb chicken or beef for a quick tasty meal.”

It's a sin

YES we did end our Sydney Devine stories, but we sneak in from Amy Kinnaird in Ayrshire: "Many years ago when I had a class of Primary 4 children, I set them writing their weekend 'News'. There was one story I was a bit confused about. Moira had written that she had seen 'Sin Deein' at a wedding that Saturday. I was truly curious about what sin she meant. The answer came, 'Sydney Devine, Mrs Kinnaird'. ' On further questioning, it turned out that Sydney had indeed been at a wedding in Muirkirk. His brother George had a pub in Muirkirk, and it was the wedding of George's daughter. "

Whistle for it

AND our tales of cassette tapes in cars remind Peter Somerville in Greenock: "My wife and I were touring New Zealand many years ago in a hired car and the practice was to change cars when going from the North Island to the South one. As we had no music we bought a few cassettes in a little store from a very limited selection and on our way back north deliberately left 'The Best of Rodger Wittaker' in the South Island car before getting the ferry to Wellington. On returning our car at Auckland the man behind the desk handed us back the said cassette - nae luck!"

A word

OH dear, here comes a colleague heading straight for me. “Did you know,” he says, “that I’ve a deep paranoid fear that my dictaphone is going to run out of space.” He pauses before adding: “Or maybe I’m reading too much into it.”