Hard to swallow

GOOD to see the introduction of minimum alcohol pricing in Scotland this week, despite daft claims it will lead to booze trips across to England to stock up on gut-rot cider. A reader in Glasgow's city centre yesterday heard a young woman coming out of a newsagent's shop and asking her pal: "Has minimum pricing also kicked in on chocolate? I mean, 75p for a Wispa!"

The eyes have it

PARENTING skills, continued. Says a Cambuslang reader: "My grand-daughter was looking through some family photograph albums and asked me why so many people in those days had red eyes. I was about to explain to her about using camera flashes close up, but decided, what the heck, and told her instead about the demon uprisings in the seventies. Seemed to impress her."

On the defensive

FORMER Liverpool player Steven Gerrard is still favourite to be the next Rangers manager. He was on the telly this week as a commentator on the Real Madrid v Bayern Munich Champions League semi-final. As a Glasgow reader phones to tell us: "Steven Gerrard giving his views on Real Madrid said, 'They were all over the place at the back.' Well, Stevie ma man, you're in for some treat when you get to Ibrox."

Taxi for Limmy

COMEDIAN Brian "Limmy" Limond, who will be in Inverness later this month with his video clip tour, Limmy's Vines, explained to followers on social media what happened when he encountered the £2 drop-off charge at Glasgow Airport. Said Limmy: "Glasgow Airport charges two quid just to drop somebody off. Got an Uber there and saw the sign, so I tipped the driver two quid to make up for it. Checked my receipt, and saw he'd added the two quid charge anyway. It's dog eat dog. You know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby."

On edge

SUSAN Irvine in Penicuik tells us: "A friend once lived with her family in Mexico where, at a ladies' gathering hosted by her mother, the dainty edging of the little puff pastries was much admired. Curious to know the secret of such a fine finish, the party visited the kitchen down in the basement where the cook Maria, flattered by the attention, was pleased to demonstrate. She closed the dough around the fillings, then whipped out the top set of her dentures to seal the pastry’s edges. Simple!"

And with that we really must put our false teeth stories away on the bathroom shelf.

May or May not

WE are still trying to understand what's happening in Westminster politics. A helpful reader emails: "Experts say summer could arrive earlier than expected, as it’s unlikely May will last more than a couple of weeks."

Chew on this

OUR excuses for being late remind Teresa Milligan: "My son had been at his job in Bath for about a year with good time keeping until he was consistently late for about a week. His excuse - he'd bought new muesli and it was taking longer to chew his breakfast. The boss's solution - start chewing earlier."

Bean there

TODAY'S whimsical observation comes from Ian Power who says: "My girlfriend’s started cooking vegetarian food because she says we’ll have healthier and longer lives. I’m fairly sure she’s right, but I’m not sure whether it’s a price worth paying."