Tricky time

WE really must end our false teeth stories, but a reader reminds us of The Diary story some time ago of the grandmother who told us she didn't notice her granddaughter coming into the bathroom just as she was taking her set of false teeth out. Her hopes that it would go unnoticed were dashed when the little one went racing downstairs shouting at her brother: "Come and see gran. She's doing tricks."

Best foot forward

BIG march for independence through Glasgow at the weekend, although the number of people taking part has been disputed. Anyway, reader Bill Thompson muses: "The organisers of the 'All under one banner' march have pledged to march until Scotland is independent.

"We may not get independence but we will surely be one of the fittest countries in world."

Sunny smile

FOLK are still talking about the good weather at the weekend, and one or two people announced they had seen the first wasps of the year. As Joe Heenan put it: "There was a wasp in the house. I’m not saying it was big but I tried to kill it with a magazine and it took it off me and said, 'I’ve already read this one'."

Others were perhaps a bit too fatalistic. As Joanne Lake said: "Really enjoyed summer '18. Same time again next year?"

Breathless

IT'S perhaps not quite in the category of bumping into someone famous, but John Henderson tells us he met retired Herald columnist Jack McLean, complete with his trademark fedora and pinstripe suit, while strolling along Glasgow's Victoria Road. Jack was heading to the Queen's Park Cafe for lunch – don't faint gentle readers, it's a pub, not a cafe. Says John: "He was bemoaning to me that editors nowadays send the hacks home if they smell of alcohol when they come back from lunch. Said Jack, 'In my day son, you would be sent home if you didn’t come back from lunch positively reeking of alcohol'. A calumny of course, but a good yarn nevertheless.

So, does anyone have an amusing tale of meeting someone famous?

Fruity reply

A WEST-END reader tells us she had called round at her pal's house and was impressed that she was putting so many healthy items in her son's packed lunch for school as whenever she saw the lad he always seemed to be eating fried food and pizzas. But when she praised her pal she replied: "I'm only doing it so that his teacher doesn't judge me."

Park life

OUR stories about Glasgow parks remind Lesley Wilson: "Years ago, I was at the World Pipe Band Championships and, as usual, it had poured, turning Bellahouston Park into a quagmire. At the end of the event, Director of Parks Keith Fraser awaited his chauffeur-driven car to take him home. It duly arrived, skidding across the grass to halt at the VIP area. Mr Fraser jumped in and the driver accelerated off. The wheels spun and dug into the mud. The car didn’t move an inch. As the parks staff looked on, the director leapt out and, despite not exactly being a heavy weight, proceeded to lean on the boot to give the wheels traction. The driver hammered the accelerator and a stream of mud skooshed up all over his treasured coat.

"No-one laughed – well not till the tractor towed him out the park."

Soapy bubble

A READER looks at one of those signs you often see in pub and restaurant toilets and asks: "How come the employers don’t have to wash their hands?"

Bricking it

OUR B&Q story prompts entertainer Andy Cameron to recount the, no not old, but shall we say classic tale of the wee man trying to buy 250,000 bricks at B&Q. Says Andy: "‘Oh' says the lassie, 'are you building an extension?' 'Naw' says he, 'ah’m buildin’ a BBQ.' 'You don’t need 250,000 bricks to build a BBQ,' she says. 'Ye dae if ye live oan the 34th flerr.'"