Flight of fancy

THE Government has backed the building of a third runway for Heathrow Airport which has angered a number of environmental campaigners. A reader emails: "Surely there's a middle ground, where they allow a third Heathrow runway, but it's exclusively for Ryanair, so it's actually in Carlisle."

Just the job

THE appointment of Gerry Britton as Patrick Thistle's new chief executive reminds us of when Gerry was dismissed as co-manager of Thistle some years ago and was surprised to be called into Springburn JobCentre for an interview under its employment restart scheme. "We'll give you every assistance to get back into the world of work," an earnest-looking young woman stated. Pointing to the back page of the newspaper he'd brought with him, Gerry said he'd spotted just the opening, and asked if he could get an interview for the then vacant Manchester City job. There was an awkward silence before Gerry explained he was joking.

Pass the hankie

GROWING old, continued. As Mike Ritchie points out: "Singer/songwriter, Willie Nelson has written countless love songs and others devoted to loss, drink, life on the road. But on his latest, his 73rd album, Last Man Standing, the 85-year-old Texan has come up with a first, an ode to halitosis. On the track Bad Breath, he cheerily sings, 'Bad breath is better than no breath at all'."

And Abby Heugel says: "How I hurt myself - age 5, jumped off a swing; age 21, jumped off a bar table; age 36, sneezed. I literally hurt myself sneezing."

It's grand

BBC reporter Tina Daheley went all sniffy about popular culture by declaring on social media: "A reminder that more people applied for the TV programme Love Island this year than Oxford/Cambridge University."

Someone promptly replied: "A reminder that it doesn’t cost 28 grand to go on Love Island."

Moving on

A READER overhears a discussion among some young woman having a drink at the West End Festival at the weekend with one of the girls being told to stop obsessing about her ex-boyfriend. She merely replied: "It's been 64 days and three hours since I've spoken to him, so clearly I've moved on."

Acting up

WHENEVER you introduce yourself at a party or reception and say what you do for a living, there is often a standard reply such as when folk say they are journalists they often get the answer: "I'd better watch what I say then in case you put me in the papers." Anyway we like the reaction of actor Samuel West who says: "I was asked, 'What do you do?' 'I'm an actor'. 'Oh, have I seen you in anything?' 'I don't know, have you?'"

Any other examples?

A kicking

WORLD Cup is looming and Gordon Cubie reminds us of the World Cup commentating rules which include:

*Spot how many minutes into any game before England is mentioned.

*All Scottish members of the commentary team must continue to refer to England as "we" and "us".

*For matches not involving England, commentators must discuss only those that play in England (eg Belgium vs Uruguay should be referred to as Kompany vs Aguero).


APOLOGIES for calling the folk group The Tannahill Weavers the Tannahill Wavers in yesterday's Diary. Reader Bill Cassidy gently corrects us and adds: "Could it be that the secret is out about your love of ice cream during the great weather we have been experiencing recently, resulting in you dreaming of your next 'slider'?" Goodness, not heard that word in years.