It's a living

WE asked about telling folk what you do for a living, and writer and actor Stuart Hepburn tells us: "I was once approached by a rather well-oiled guest at a family wedding who inquired, 'So what do you do?' I answered, 'I am an actor' and he said, 'Yes, but what do you do for a living?'"

Robbing Peter

THE death of nightclub owner Peter Stringfellow was announced yesterday, and writer and presenter David Baddiel recalled: "I met Peter Stringfellow once. He had a sense of humour beyond the haircut. I asked him what he'd be doing if he hadn't ended up running strip clubs. He said, 'Two words: benefit fraud'."

Bet on it

The news story about an anonymous benefactor gifting a Rolls-Royce to Glasgow's Lord Provost reminds us of a Hamilton reader who once told us: "When I was a young student, I worked part-time with our local bookie, Bill McKeown, who owned more than 20 offices at that time. One day I was sitting beside Bill in his Rolls-Royce which was stopped at traffic lights at Hamilton Cross. Some of the local worthies were standing about the cross, obviously skint. Bill wound down the window as we were moving away and shouted out 'You can see I'm not wasting your money, boys', and drove off.''

And reader John Crawford recalled: "As convener of Strathclyde Regional Council, the late Jimmy Jennings had a chauffeur-driven car. He and his wife Greta were on the way home to Kilbirnie when Jimmy spotted a neighbour at a bus stop in Kilwinning. The driver then got out, lifted the woman's messages and run her to her door. When she got out and thanked Jimmy, he said, 'Well you're paying for it through your rent'."

Not gifted

TRICKY things relationships. A Glasgow reader overheard a young beau in his local tell his pals: "Can't believe it. The girlfriend's not talking to me – says I ruined her birthday. But I didn't know it was her birthday so how could I have ruined it?"

Simply divine

NOSTALGIA fans enjoyed the BBC documentary the other night recalling Scotland's glorious, but ultimately disastrous, trip to the World Cup finals in Argentina 40 years ago. Never realised how run-down Glasgow was then. Anyway, it reminds us of a previous BBC documentary on the game in the early-1990s when a film crew went over to Cardoba where Scotland were based and spoke to a shoe-shine lad about the final. He carefully pulled out a Scottish Television World Cup sweatshirt and a Sydney Devine recording of Flower of Scotland. I mean, what cruel fan would have given him that?

Dressing up

WHEN the fitba season is over fans' thoughts turn to other subjects. A Jordanhill reader tells us he was on a fans' forum where someone asked: "What do you do when the wife is out and you have the house to yourself?" One fan replied: "I put on my wife's clothes and go around the house criticising everything in the hope that I can finally find out what enjoyment she gets out of doing it."

Child's play

GROWING old, continued. Says a Muirend reader: "Not sure if it's an age thing but I found myself visiting neighbours who had a child gate installed at the bottom of the stairs. I needed to go upstairs to use the loo but couldn't work out how to open the child gate. Gave up and waited for someone else to go upstairs."