Driven demented
AND so the hot weather continues, although some folk find it uncomfortable. Still Game actor Gavin Mitchell passed on the following conversation he had the other day: “Taxi driver, ‘How was yer night?’ Me, ‘Awright. Yersel?’ Taxi driver, ‘Aye awright, just sittin’ sweatin’ ma a*** aff oan this pvc seat wi this windae open thinking, ‘whit am a dain’ wi ma life? Why did a no try harder?’”
Doing the business
WE asked about the stress at airports, and Derek Manson-Smith in Glasgow tells us: “In the days when airlines had smoking areas, my late partner and I booked a long-haul flight, specifying non-smoking. We found ourselves in the middle two seats of the middle four row with smokers either side. We complained to the cabin crew, who said the plane was full, and our neighbours complained about us. My partner then had hysterics and she was swiftly moved to business class, while I spent a sleepless trip with two chain-smokers. When I later asked if that was for real, she just smiled.”
A dog’s life
MOTHERWELL football club now has a Spanish and a French player with Alex Rodriguez Gorrin joining Cedric Kipre. So the club had them attempting to understand Scottish Twitter messages which the bamboozled players tried to read out while being interviewed at the club’s summer training camp in Ireland. Among the messages that had them stumped were: “Why dae folk ask babies stupid things like ‘Ur getting awffy big aren’t ye?’ As if the wee one’s gonna be like, ‘Aye Moira, yer spot on, am on the protein’.” And the sublime: “I’d be so ragin’ if I was a sniffer dog. A dug with a job. All your pals doon the park sniffing backsides ‘n’ you canny cos you’re on backshift.”
A bit Rough
OLD joke time –“You’ve got yourself a keeper there,” said the chap in the pub looking at a picture of his mate’s new girlfriend. “So you think she’s good-looking?” said his delighted pal. “Naw,” replied his mate. “She looks like Alan Rough.” We only mention it as we would like to congratulate former Scotland keeper Roughie becoming a director of Partick Thistle. A colleague once told us he was at a Sportsman’s Dinner when the chairman introduced guest speaker Roughie by saying Alan’s old goalkeeping gloves were to be used in the fight against worldwide infection.’’After all,’’ he said, “if you wear these, there is absolutely no chance of catching anything.’’ By gum POLITICS in Britain a bit mental just now. As Tory MP Anna Soubry said yesterday: “There must be something not quite right in your life when 45 minutes in a dentist’s chair having a rather large root canal filling becomes a relaxing lie down and thinking time.”
And it’s not any better in America. Entertainer Bette Midler caustically put it: “This will be the first time a President looks exactly the same his whole time in office, while the rest of us visibly age due to the stress his lousy job puts us through.”
Collector’s item
OUR story about the teenager’s dirty laundry being picked up by the charity collection reminds Carole Gillan: “Last Autumn I collected leaves from the garden and put them in two black bags to take to the tip. I also filled a charity bag with used clothes and carefully put it on the step for collection, with the two bags of leaves in the porch behind a storm door. My son came home late, moved the leaves bags on to the step to open the inside door and left them there. Well you can guess the rest. Three bags collected. Surprise for charity.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here