Handless driver

OUR introspective taxi driver story reminded Derek Miller in Torrance: "Years ago, having attended a black tie dinner at Glasgow's Crowne Plaza, Glasgow, I emerged, fully refreshed, and into the waiting cab. The driver was a jovial big fellow and we started chatting about football. 'Whut team dae ye support, big man?' he asked, and on noticing the bloke's 'Aye Ready' tattoo, I replied truthfully, 'Rangers, mate'. 'Dae ye like the tunes big man?' he asked. As soon as I nodded in the affirmative, he reached down the side of his seat, produced a flute, and belted out The Sash My Father Wore with one hand, whilst driving with the other."

Chips are down

STILL great weather, although folk are saying they are losing their appetite in the heat. Tom Rafferty passes on the dilemma of the chap on a sweltering 38 bus in Glasgow the other day who answered his phone and declared: "Sweat's runnin aff me ... Naw, no really hungry ... Too hot ....Where you goin? .... Get us a pie supper, hen. Ten minutes doll."

Foul language

OUR mention of Rangers legend John Greig reminded Hugh Brennan of his days teaching in the old Irvine Royal Academy. Says Hugh: "George Maxwell the Kilmarnock defender was on the P.E. staff and there had been an incident in a Rangers - Killie match in which Sandy Jardine was sent off. George was left lying on the Ibrox turf injured when John Greig bent over him. 'I saw John leaning over you, was he concerned about your health?' I asked George. 'Aye' he replied, 'He said, get up ya b****** and I'll knock you back doon again. I thought it wiser just to stay where I was'."

You ken now

WELL hell mend her for not liking the name Ken. As author Sarah Day confessed: "I changed a character name from Ken to Keith in a manuscript on my computer, and used the 'find & replace' function. I now have many regrets. Manuscript now filled with 'brokeith', 'spokeith', 'wokeith.' And due to the fact that sometimes he was 'Kenneth', it is now 'Keithneth.' Maybe I should just stick with that."

Curl up and dye

WE congratulated Alan Rough on becoming a Patrick Thistle director, and reader Hugh Lamont recalls Roughie's striking curly perm. Says Hugh: "In the seventies, I was working in Saudi Arabia, came home on leave, and having left the RAF a couple of years earlier, I was enjoying the freedom of growing my hair a bit longer. I visited Taylor Ferguson's hairdressing salon and when they asked me what I wanted done, I simply replied, 'Give me one of those one’s like Alan Rough'. No one told me that it would take three hours, and that my own mother, who I was meeting later, would walk straight past me. As for getting back into Saudi with a passport picture that looked nothing like me - he has a lot to answer for, that Alan Rough."

Mea culpa

WE mentioned Latin last week which took George Dale back to his schooldays at the late lamented Spier's School in Beith where he struggled with Latin. Recalls George: "Every Monday, first two periods Latin class, the teacher just asked me if I wished to take the vocabulary test or go straight to two of the belt."

Going for gold

SAD to hear of the death of that fine gentleman George Grubb, who was recently Edinburgh's Lord Provost. His wife Liz once recalled that she also had a striking gold chain to wear when she was on official business with George, but as she pointed out: "I was very impressed by the beauty of the chains. But they are put on and whipped off. I was told if I fall in the river, they will run for the chain first."