Plane speaking

More gems from English World Cup commentators. Here’s Gary Neville on Uruguay’s keeper: “It’s a football, not a firebomb. Honestly, I have no words. Well, no, I just used them.” During England v Sweden, Martin Keown offered insider knowledge on assertive Dutch referee Bjorn Kuipers: “Well, I saw him in the restaurant last night and he looked a bit aggressive when he was eating a steak.”

After England went two-up Guy Mowbray got carried away – to another plane: “It’s like having an out-of-body experience. I have to keep looking at the screen to check the score.” But he returned to Earth when Keown suggested: “Celebrate by putting your sprinklers on.” Mowbray: “Let’s not go overboard.”

Ya dancer

Best World Cup comment came from Scottish comedian Frankie Boyle who, unimpressed by England, compared to fellow semi-finalists Belgium, tweeted: “Any Belgian player watching this must feel like Fred Astaire watching a guy in a neck brace fall down an escalator.” Fair play to the England fan who riposted: “Scottish tears: official beer of the 2018 World Cup.”

Thumping good time

Our jukebox series reminds Irvine reader Jean Park of happy teenage days when, from 1962 to 1965, she had a weekend job at the town’s Imperial Cafe, better known as Joe’s. The pay wasn’t princely, but compensations included “meeting boys and having a constant background from the jukebox of the great music of the period”.

Jean continues: “One particular memory is of the Dave Clark Five hit Glad All Over with its refrain ‘I’m feeling … (thump-thump) … glad all over, feeling … (thump-thump)...glad all over’ etc. It was very popular, but lasted only two days before the then owner, George Benedetti, had it removed from the jukebox because everyone in the cafe, including those upstairs, stamped loudly in time with the thumps.”

Back Home back on

Jukeboxes and football remind Milngavie reader David Will of the time, during the 1970 World Cup, when he was working in Norwich and his local pub, The Coach and Horses, was a focal point for England fans.

Says David: “There was much excitement as the side progressed through the group stage to meet their 'old enemy' Germany in the next round. The brilliant anthem, Back Home, was never off the pub's jukebox. However, on England's departure, the landlord failed to ensure the disc got an early bath and there it remained, surprisingly, for many weeks after the competition. Did I take advantage of this situation? Only two or three times per visit!”

Mair Mair

Presenter Eddie Mair’s departure from Radio 4’s PM programme reminds Mike Ritchie of more of his classic asides. On handing over to a correspondent in Paris, Eddie advised: “I should warn you that this item may include some accordion music.” And, introducing a World Cup item recently, he said the programme was going over to a sports reporter, not in Russia, but in Salford. “Something to do with an unpaid bar bill,I think," said the bold boy fae Dundee.

Choosing an outfit

Today’s daftness comes from reader Iain M. Martin who writes: “With all this warm weather thought I might try a holiday at a nudist colony. Abandoned the idea when I realised I didn’t have anything suitable to wear.”