Tour de farce

Our item on the Edinburgh tour guide reminded reader John Cumnock of a bus-tour of London some years ago. Says John: “The nice tour guide from Eastern Europe had been badly briefed. As we entered the Square Mile we were told the Duke of Westminster had decreed all the buildings should be painted Mongolia. In Great North Street, she indicated the old White Star Line offices and said that was where the Titanic sank. In Baker Street, we were told Sherlock Holmes had worked and died there. And, as we passed a building with a sentry at the gate, we were told a sentry was always there – except if he was shot.”

1966 and all that

Watching Serena Williams’ second-round match at Wimbledon on the Beeb, reader Tom Hendry was not at all astonished to hear the commentator note that both Serena and sister Venus had completed their first-round matches in 66 minutes. “Was that a good omen for England in the World Cup?” The male commentator’s female co-commentator didn’t respond – possibly because she was banging her forehead off the desk.

Hair-erasing experience

Getting older continued, and readers unfamiliar with Turkish barbers may not know that their favourite method of getting rid of ear hair is to singe or set fire to it. Men’s ear hair gets worse as they age, prompting a Kirkcudbright reader to recall one such experience: “When the barber set fire to my ear hair, I thought the fire alarm was going to go off!”

Silent support

Our story about the taxi driver playing The Sash on the flute reminded reader David Donaldson of his fashion business days in Glasgow’s Robertson Street. Says David: “There was a large children's wear factory above us, and they employed a cutter who couldn't speak. Our cutter Michael, who supported Celtic and sadly passed away last year, was talking to him one day about football and asked him who he supported. In reply, he simply pointed with his cutting shears to the blue fabric on the table – and then to his nose.”

All eers

Watching TV’s Sunday Politics at the weekend with subtitles for the deaf, Edinburgh reader Jim Lynch was amused to see “arch-Brexiteers” come up as “arch-racketeers”. But then, on reflection, he decided: “I think they got it right.”

Porty call

Diary reader and former polis David Russell was intrigued by a recent heatwave picture in The Herald that showed two beat-cops carrying their boots and socks on “Portobello beach 1985”. It was the tunics with leather Sam Browne belts and pointy hats that piqued the curiosity of our polis, as these had long been phased out by 1985. So David did some sleuthing and discovered the two constables were probably on “bucket and spade patrol” at a Victorian Festival that took place in Porty ever year. “Not sure if any of them ever appeared with Mrs Punch, a crocodile and some sausages,” David adds.

Short order

Today’s daftness comes from Dunblane reader Ron Beaton who, in the recent drought, took note of the plea from the water authorities for everyone to take shorter showers. “I wanted to be a responsible citizen and, therefore, resorted to hunching down in the shower cabinet like a demented hobbit.”