Breeks of contract

It’s the 50th anniversary soon of Dad’s Army. Some little known facts: it was originally titled The Fighting Tigers, and Private Frazer was Private Jim Duck. Arnold Ridley, who played gentle, conscientious objector Private Godfrey, was bayoneted in his left arm at the Somme. Arthur Lowe, who played Captain Mainwaring, had a clause inserted in his contract ensuring he’d never be called upon to remove his trousers. We’re sure, to invert Sergeant Wilson’s catchphrase, that was very wise, sir.

Don’t mention the game

Speaking of 1966 – damn, who mentioned that? – West Kilbride reader Jennifer Mooney recalls a conversation in Marburg station, Germany, when returning home from university there just before the World Cup final that arguably glorious year.

“My ticket indicated I was going to London. Asked if I was going to the World Cup, I told the official I was returning to Scotland via London. He told me he’d been in Scotland. Naively, I continued the conversation, but when he told me he’d been a prisoner of war in Scotland I didn't feel comfortable to ask any more questions.” Too right, Jennifer. As they might have said in Dad’s Army: vee don’t ask ze questions.

Good question

We could be hearing Scots go on for the next 50 years about how England didn’t win the World Cup. But the English, bless ’em, are perfectly capable of laughing at themselves. We liked this from BBC Radio 4’s Dead Ringers. Harry Kane: “We should have asked more questions of their defence.” Interviewer: “Such as?” Harry: “Can we score another goal, please?”

Vein of truth

More bus tour stories, and Mike Ritchie recalls one round London with his two eldest sons, who hooted and chortled the whole time. Recalls Mike: “I didn’t think going up The Mall, past Buckingham Palace or stopping outside the Tower of London in any way amusing. Interesting, yes. Funny, no. The boys, however, had been listening to the commentary in Japanese. Hence the glee!”

Meanwhile, Edinburgh reader Brian Chrystal recalls Great Cumbrae tour bus driver Johnny Morris. “Every time he passed the Lion Rock, behind the Marine Station at Keppel Pier, Johnny would intone: ‘Ladies and gentlemen, the Lion Rock is a vein of hard black rock. The vein continues under the sea all the way to Ayrshire, where they dig it up and send it back to Millport as coal.’”

Yet mair Mair

The departure of Eddie Mair from Radio 4’s PM programme prompts Shawlands reader Jim White to recall the time he announced Barry Manilow had come out as gay at the age of 73, saying he hadn’t done so earlier as he hadn’t wanted to disappoint female fans. “Eddie then made out he was going straight to the BBC Vatican correspondent where the Pope had just revealed he was a Catholic, then over to a US wildlife ranger who confirmed what bears had been doing in the woods.”

Coffin up

A Diary reader emails us with the plea, “FFS don’t open it!”, after reading disturbing news that a massive, black sarcophagus had been unearthed in Egypt. It’s completely blank, 104 inches long, and likened to something eerie from Indiana Jones. One expert on Twitter wasn’t impressed though, writing: “Probably just some dead guy.”

Ken Smith is away.