Paxman cometh

CONGRATULATIONS on Glasgow Yoonie going through on University Challenge this week after a close victory over Emmanuel College, Cambridge. We liked the comment of Dr Belinda Brooks-Gordon after seeing the programme who remarked: "Speaking as as an academic, it’s just a delight to see eight students without their phones for half an hour."

And Dani Cugini on the Emmanuel team said afterwards: "I love presenter Jeremy Paxman. He gets so indignant if people don't recognise the poet William Blake, but he reads out the science cards like they're in Klingon."

Mixing it

MICHAEL Kenny in Bishopbriggs was at his local Boots the chemist where a sign on the door stated: "The responsible pharmacist today is:" and then gave the name of a member of staff. Michael was just a bit nervous in case they weren't wearing name badges and he ended up with the irresponsible chemist.

State of mind

SINGER and songwriter Billy Joel is still regularly appearing in New York even though he is approaching seventy. We liked his response on the website Vulture when he was asked why he was still performing and he replied: "Now, I do have an idea for a farewell tour.

"The stage is a living-room set: couch, TV, coffee table, food. And there’s bulletproof glass between me and the audience. Then I come out and lay down on the couch. I grab the remote and start watching TV. The crowd after a couple minutes goes, “What's this?” and starts throwing stuff at the glass."

Incroydable

SCOTRAIL put some new rolling stock on the Glasgow to Edinburgh line yesterday, and STV put a cameraman up front so that the TV company could announce on its website: "Watch: Croy to Edinburgh in 34 seconds aboard one of ScotRail's new electric trains."

One of the first comments was from a Fergus Mutch who declared: "Thirty-four seconds? Jeezo these new trains are fast."

Cabin pressure

EDINBURGH has been voted the top cruise-ship destination in Britain. It reminds us of the cruise-ship worker who told us that he got a phone call at the ship's reception desk from an angry customer who said they had paid extra for a cabin with an ocean view but all they could see was a car park.

"We haven't sailed yet sir," the crew member had to gently explain.

No change

TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from Jason who tells us: "I've noticed that parents who go into 'Baby Changing Facilities' invariably come out with the same one.

"Very suspicious."

Feeling blue

WE wonder how President Trump's increasingly wild messages on social media are going down in the States. We ask American Kas Thomas who says: "I now wonder how many times a day White House staff have to keep Trump from wiring money to a Nigerian prince."

Meanwhile on Brexit, the new Brexit Secretary Dominic Raab has not ruled out the stockpiling of food if the UK leaves the EU without securing a deal with Brussels. As Craig Deeley mischievously asks: "Wonder what colour our ration books will be?"

Let's face it

SILLY gag time as Bob Swanston says: "I bought my great nephew an Action Man for his birthday, but he told me that he really wanted a Red Indian.

"Since then I've been trying to put a brave face on it."