Hats off

GOOD to see older folk spending some time in council swimming pools to keep up their fitness. Many of them meet up with pals and make a morning of it. A Glasgow reader heard one such old fella say to his fellow senior citizen swimmers the memorable line this week: “I’ll have to go out – my skin’s beginning to look like a corduroy bunnet.”

Flight of fancy

HERE’S a name we’ve not seen recently. Webster’s Theatre in Glasgow’s West End is putting on a light-hearted play Bend It Like Brattbakk next month which centres on Celtic fans and their nerve-shredding season hoping that Rangers would not make it to 10 championships in a row – they didn’t thanks to a Harald Brattbakk goal. It has to be said that Harald was not the most successful of strikers at Celtic, frequently blootering the ball over the bar when scoring seemed easier. We remember our old chum, radio presenter Tam Cowan, stating when Harald retired and retrained as a pilot: “One or two Celtic fans suggest it might be a sensible idea if the runway at Glasgow Airport is extended by two or three miles.”

Over the line

A YOUNG woman revealed on a Facebook page for citizens of Glasgow’s Dennistoun that: “This morning I went to fetch my washing off the line and all my underwear was gone. Feeling a little creeped out.” Fellow Dennistonians expressed their disgust at such a theft although one chap did reply: “My neighbour once came to my door asking if I’d stolen her underwear from the washing line. I nearly wet her pants!”

What a shower

GROWING old continued. A Milngavie reader tells us: “My doctor was worried about me becoming a bit infirm and suggested I get a bar fitted in my shower cubicle. If he thinks a glass of wine will help, I’m all for it.”

In the swim

OH, what larks as Britain’s young creative talent arrives all flustered in Edinburgh for the Fringe. We just smile as Sophie Peacock, producer of Bang Average Theatre’s show Lucille and Cecilia at the Roman Eagle Lodge tells us: “It started with attempting to get onto the train to Edinburgh from London with two bikes, three suitcases and a huge trunk of costumes and props. A Miss Trunchbull-esque train manager swiftly stopped our attempts to board and an argument ensued of why it was crucial for us to be able to bring eight inflatable balls, a 15-foot rope, four swimming costumes and stick-on moustaches on to a busy train.” Yes, hate when that happens.

Turf luck

GOOD luck to Aberdeen tonight in their Europa League tie against Burnley. Had to agree with Aberdeen fan Andrew who declared: “Never in my life did I think I would be this excited to be going to Burnley.”

No booking

NEWS down south is that far-right loudmouth Tommy Robinson has been bailed after winning an appeal against a contempt of court finding. Comedian Jeremy Hardy mused on social media: “Tommy wants to be important. MI5 should recruit him as a Special Agent in the war against terror, give him a new identity as a mild-mannered librarian on Orkney, and tell him it’s imperative that he doesn’t break cover until the day he gets the call.” In minutes Orkney Library replied: “Sorry we’ve no vacancies at present.”

Having a ball

GOLF South Ayrshire, operator of eight courses, announced on social media yesterday: “Good luck to all competing in our Troon Junior Open toady for the Tom Lehman trophy.” Reader John Dunlop reckons it can’t be that open if it is only competed for by budding sycophants.