Taking the...

WE asked for your embarrassing moments and we volunteer the poor chap - a big rugged bearded guy named Euan - who was at the Britney Spears concert at Glasgow's Hydro this week, probably dragged along by his girlfriend, who was brought up on stage. When Britney asked his name she must have struggled a little with the Scottish accent as she turned round to the crowd and announced, a little cautiously: "Let's give it up for Urine!"

Hat trick

THINGS you could only hear in Glasgow, continued. Says Marie Murray: "I was on a bus in the city centre when a fellow wearing one of those Peruvian woolly hats in green, white, and gold asked the driver how he could get to the Royal Infirmary. 'Nae bother pal,' replied the driver, 'just keep that hat oan and I’ll drap ye at Brigton Cross'."

Hard to swallow

OUR yarn about one of the old police boxes reminds retired police officer Dan Edgar in Rothesay: "A colleague of mine (honestly not me!) incarcerated a young miscreant for some minor misdemeanour in the Police Box in George Street, Paisley, which was an acceptable practice in those days. After an hour he returned, let the urchin out with the caution. 'Now let that be a lesson to you'. The urchin by this time, out of catching distance, replied, 'You an’ a’, I’ve just eaten your jeely piece!'"

Ear ear

AS the Edinburgh Festival Fringe draws to a close, we pass on the observation of stand-up Freddie Farrell who tells fellow comedians: "If you’re having a tough time in Edinburgh, just remember a couple of years ago there was a very very drunk man in the front row, and I told the audience that his eyes were closed. Quick as a flash he said, 'I wish my ears were closed'."

Toe-curling

AS part of the RAF's 100th anniversary celebrations, a number of planes will be on display at the Glasgow Science Centre on the weekend of August 31 to September 2. It reminds us of a Milngavie reader who recalled his National Service spent at RAF Wilmslow. He told us: "We had a corporal drill instructor who would stick his face six inches from yours and scream at the pitch of his voice, 'I'll put my boot so far up your backside (the corporal used another word) you'll wonder why your teeth have turned black'."

Just pants

OUR story about the poor chap having a sock stuck to the front of his jacket reminds David Russell: "I witnessed in a West Lothian distribution warehouse one young lad who had arrived in the office one day with presumably the previous day's brightly coloured pants still protruding from the bottom of his trouser leg at his shoe, likely having been shrugged off the night before. A consensus was quickly reached. Tell him? Nah, no fun in that. He walked around for his whole shift completely oblivious."

In black and white

AN AYRSHIRE reader tells us the chat at his golf club this week turned to healthy eating and losing weight. One of the older members argued: "Well look at pandas. All they do is eat salad all day and look how fat they get."

Dead end

THE zombie horror film World War Z which was partly filmed in Glasgow's city centre is on the telly this Sunday. It reminds us of the reader who told us he was on a bus into Glasgow beside a young woman who told her pal: "I fell over running away from a bee in my garden this morning. So I don't think I would do that well trying to survive a zombie apocalypse."