Golfing driver

A MILNGAVIE reader tells us about a golfing friend attending a function at the R&A Clubhouse in St Andrews, and as he walked towards the very traditional premises in his dark suit, crisp white shirt and club tie, he popped in en route to the municipal toilets nearby which charge 30p to use them. As he fumbled in his pockets for change, a voice behind him tried to help: "Excuse me Mate. Bus Drivers don't have to pay."

Shop talk

LARRY Cheyne gives us an insight into married life by passing on: "I was taking our two young grandsons to a model railway exhibition and my wife, thinking for some reason that this was a craft fair, decided to come along. After ten minutes at the exhibition the corners of her mouth turned down, and after half an hour her eyes glazed over. An hour later, over lunch, she said, 'Now I know how you felt all those years I took you shopping'."

A bit Irish

THE talent show the X Factor will shortly be back on our TV screens. We bump into our old chum, entertainer Dave Anderson who muses: "Brexit is of course made up of the joining of two words. Do you know the last time that was tried? Jedward. Just saying."

Fancy that

WE liked the reaction of Emily Benn, granddaughter of the late Labour MP Tony Benn, who came in for a lot of on-line abuse from Jeremy Corbyn supporters after suggesting that the Labour leader should resign over his handling of the Labour anti-Semitism row. Many people contacted her on social media to claim that her grandfather would be spinning in his grave over her stance. Emily merely replied: "I am going to visit my Grandfather's grave today. To be honest I’m slightly concerned at what state it will be in - all that turning might have made a bit of a mess? Will update later."

Talking of politics, the claims that former First Minister Alex Salmond sexually harassed two women has been much discussed by readers. As one told us: "The big surprise about the allegations is that I can't think of Alex Salmond fancying anybody but himself."

Can't cut it

A GLASGOW reader passes on the comment when a chap was chatting to a woman in a west end bar and asked her if she had any brothers or sisters. "Two half-sisters," she replied. "What? Was your dad a really bad magician?" the chap felt the need to reply.

Trumped

AS we try to make sense of American politics, reader John Henderson says: "Just an observation, but if Donald Trump was so intent in locking up Hillary, why didn’t he not simply ask her to join his campaign team?"

Driving at

GETTING old, continued. Says Duncan Shaw in Kilwinning: "Spending too long before pulling out of a supermarket parking space trying to wipe a mark away from the fascia of the new car only to eventually realise that it’s the shadow of a raindrop on the car's glass roof. Just the latest example of growing old. I’ve forgotten the others."

Gravely put

TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from a reader who emails following the news story about falling church attendances with the comment: "I've always thought that churches would be far nicer places to visit if they didn't always build them in the middle of graveyards."