Worth a shot
MAIRI Clark in a Glasgow pub hears a couple of lads talking about good looks with one of them declaring: "I've modelled in the past you know." The listening barman decided to join in the conversation by declaring: "Listen pal, mugshots don't count as modelling."
Put the boot in
WE asked you to confess your embarrassing moments, and John Mcintyre in Girvan admits: "Going back to my boyhood, travelling to school in Glasgow on the Airdrie bus. It was a football day, so had my tied-together football boots which I put on the floor while I got on with some schoolwork. Trouble came when we were nearing the city and my boots seemed to have slipped back under the seat. My scrabbling hand finally got hold of a toe, but the boots seemed to have got jammed somehow. Then came a tap on my shoulder. When I twisted round there was a kindly face looking down at me which said, 'Look, sonny I'm getting off next stop. Would you mind letting go of my foot?'"
Top reply
OUR picture yesterday of the Celtic top with the name "None" on the back after a fan ticked a box asking if she wanted a name printed on the back inspires fellow Celtic fan John Delaney to tell us: "I got the same tap delivered. I had requested the name of the club’s new star signing." Ouch!
Bit of a stretch
GROWING old continued. Says a Newton Mearns reader: "I used to stretch before doing any exercise in order to prevent injury. It seems I have now reached the age where I actually injure myself doing the stretching."
God knows
OUR tale of the golfer in St Andrews paying at the public loo reminds Margaret Thomson: "On a recent trip to Iceland, we were on a tour. The coach stopped at a beauty spot. Some of us decided to avail ourselves of the facilities. As this was our first day of the holiday, no one had any coins. So, we used our credit cards to get through the turnstile. Imagine my face when I got home and read my debit card statement - my visit to the loo had cost me £3.40. Talk about spending a penny."
And a reader visiting a church in France had the poster on the wall as you entered translated. It said: "When you enter this church it may be possible that you hear the call of God. However it is unlikely that He will call you on your mobile. Thank you for turning off your phones."
Bought it
A READER on a bus into Glasgow heard a young woman tell her pal: "See these folk that insist on a paper receipt - I bet I see them on an episode of Britain's Biggest Hoarders in a few years time."
Half right
OUR old colleague Mark Bratchpiece has just published the ebook Bratch Pieces which includes his columns from The Herald. The current row in the Labour Party reminds us of Mark once saying: "I'm half Jewish. Do you think that means I suffer from anti-semisemitism?"
Cup runneth over
HOW many parents can relate to Deborah Orr who says: "Just spent a glorious 35 minutes fully believing that my 17-year-old was going to make me a cup of tea."
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