Got a lift
COMING back to Scotland after 40 years. Says David in Cumbernauld: "John, a friend from Australia, visiting his hometown of Kilsyth, saw a couple he knew waiting for a taxi so gave them a lift home in his hired car. As they got out an elderly gent grabbed the door and sat in the back bemoaning the length of time he had waited for his taxi. Despite John's protestations that it wasn't a taxi the old guy wouldn't listen, so being an obliging guy he drove him to his destination just a mile up the road and said, 'No charge.Taxi's are free in Kilsyth today'.
"His passenger stared at him then said, 'Wait here then till I dump the messages in the hoose. You can take me to Twechar to visit my brother'. That's when John realised just what he had been missing all these years."
Mothering him
WE asked for your embarrassing moments, and a reader confides: "Years ago, employed by the Scottish Milk Marketing Board in Paisley, I was despatched to see a farmer with legal papers to be signed. I asked him if he could sign the two copies - I would be one witness and perhaps his mother could be the other witness.
" 'Oh!' says he, 'that's not my mother but my wife'. Large hole required, and I never made that mistake again."
Charge!
SOMEHOW we can agree with Glasgow Celtic fan Sean McDonald who took to social media to argue: "If you’re going out on a mad one, and don’t fancy going home till the next day, gonnae do me a favour and take a charger with you? Sick of seeing people’s Maws all over my timeline asking me to retweet Wee Jimmy’s photo cos he never came home. Gets on my nerves."
Knees up
GROWING old continued. Retired Minister the Rev. Charles Gillon tells us: "I recently received an email from a Minister pensioner friend who stated that every morning, when he stiffly got out of his bed, he fell to his knees to thank the good Lord that he could still stand on his feet."
Park life
WE mentioned the SFA dithering over whether to retain Hampden for Scotland's football internationals, and a reader reminds us of the tale we told of the off-duty police inspector who was going to a match at Hampden and who had phoned ahead to another pal who lived in Kingspark Avenue beside the park to ask if would be OK to park in her driveway, and she said yes.
Not telling his mate this, the inspector drove down Kingspark Avenue and turned into the empty driveway. Getting out, he told his pal in the car that one of the perks of being in the CID was that you could park anywhere, and calmly walked away. For years his pal would tell folk about this special privilege.
Boxed in
WE mentioned hoarding, and pass on Adam Hess's comment: "Can someone please tell all parents over 50 that they don't need to keep the box that their iPhone came in for literally any reason whatsoever?"
Bit of a card
A NEWTON Mearns reader visiting his local Asda supermarket realised the customer in front of him knew his partner well when he heard the chap say to her: "Do we need a trolley?" The chap's wife replied: "No, I'm only getting a couple of things," and her husband replied: "Aye, that'll be right" before veering off to collect said trolley.
And Simon Holland commented on married life: "I'm glad we spent £4.99 on the birthday card and argued about what to write in it. I can tell this five-year-old really appreciated it."
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