Took a pounding

THE HERALD reported that pay day loan company Wonga had gone into administration. A reader phones to explain: "The problem started when the company lent itself a fiver six months ago and now owes itself millions."

Sent flying

GROWING old, continued. Says a reader: "My grandson was in my car and leaning over from the back he looked at my CD player which he hadn't seen before, saw the eject button and asked if it was for a seat in the car. Sometimes I wish it was."

Armless

YES I know, quite a few years since I have faced the humiliation of a night-club doorman deciding whether I could be given ingress or not. We liked though the person who confessed on social media: "The first time I went to a club with my friends, some random guy came up to me and streched out his arms for a hug. I felt bad for him so I hugged him for a few seconds, then he looked at me and said, 'I'm a bouncer. I was telling you to stretch your arms out so I can search you'."

Smoking hot

IRISH crooner Daniel O'Donnell returns to the Glasgow Royal Concert Hall next month. He has such a squeaky-clean persona that we can't forget the joke told about him: "Did you hear about Daniel O'Donnell getting a young girl into trouble? He told her mum she'd been smoking."

Tummy rumbled

WE asked for your embarrassing moments, and Sheila Campbell in Argyll recalls: "I travelled a lot with my husband, who was in the Merchant Navy, and in Madras I developed a 'tummy bug' for which I was treated by the company’s doctor. On the day we were due to sail a group - company staff, Lloyd’s surveyor and various port officials – had gathered in our accommodation and I knew that my husband was hoping they wouldn’t linger too long. The problem was solved shortly after the arrival of a very excited wee Indian doctor, waving a piece of paper and announcing, 'Sheila! Sheila! Isn’t it lucky I have this new equipment? It is dysentery!'”

Stave them off

OUR mention of the old Milk Marketing Board reminds John Marshall in Auchtermuchty of the then Potato Marketing Board where he worked. Says John: "I still recall the farmer who remonstrated with me over some aspect of bureaucracy, 'You people have got me over a cleft barrel' he declared."

Cleaned up

OFFICE life can be tedious for some people who have to relieve the dullness with the occasional flash of brilliance. We are told of one office where management had put the inspirational message "Think!" on the wall in the office toilet. Someone took the time to felt-tip a replica sign above the soap dispenser which stated "Thoap!"

Chimed in

TALKING about offices, ours can be a bit quiet on a Sunday so couldn't avoid a colleague who came up and announced: "My local church needs renovation, so if you can help, give us a bell."