THEY pushed me over the edge at Barbie Feet.

Ah, but which edge? For women must not have edges, they must have curves. And all these curves must have bizarre and extraordinary names because women must not merely exist as electric skeletons packed with meat and muscle, they must be starved and exercised into specific shapes.

If you don't know what I'm talking about then maybe some of these terms will be familiar. Off the top of my head, a naming of parts: batwings, muffin top, thutt, underbum, cankles, camel toe.

Ah, cankles. Oh, batwings. These seem so sweetly retro and naive, given the horrors of current body diktats.

How many do you recognise from this non-exhaustive list? Barbie feet, hip cleavage, toe cleavage, sideboob, underboob, Toblerone Tunnel thigh gap, regular thigh gap, ab crack, thighbrow, finger trap and collarbone club.

Oh, for a return to the days of innocence when a camel toe could be rectified by choosing a slightly looser trouser. When the categories of physical flaw merely involved the issue of a little too much fat.

At some point between 2015 and now we seem to have run out of physical spaces to pathologise as fat-based abnormality.

So, a cankle is a portmanteau used to describe the sorry situation when a woman's calf and ankle run in to one another without definition. I mean, who gives two hoots whether one has a skinny ankle or a round ankle?

Women's magazines do and so, because it's dangled in front of them as a flaw to be fixed, do women.

There are dozens upon dozens of articles dedicated to assisting the deflation of swollen ankles.

That all seems so quaint in light of the current body trends, the Toblerone Tunnel being one such modern horror. This is not, as any right-thinking person might guess, one's throat.

This ludicrous moniker, presented as aspirational, refers to the gap a woman should want to have at the very top of her thighs, below her bikini bottoms.

You should, goes social media, be able to fit a Toblerone box through the gap. Presumably you're not supposed to eat the Toblerone, chocolate and punishing body shapes being mutually exclusive.

All of these things have one common factor: to achieve them is gruelling.

There are several issues at play here: the all-pervasive tentacle reach of social media; the age-old disgust for women's bodies; the modern desperation for clicks, clicks at any cost.

These three explain the nonsense of Barbie Feet. Let me explain. Nay, let a red top newspaper explain: "Barbie feet involves balancing on the balls of your feet, as if wearing an invisible pair of high heels."

Back in the day, we called it standing on tip toe. Why does one want to stand on tip toe? Well, apparently high heels make the most of ones legs but, of course, there are "places where shoes just aren't practical." So one is instructed to "create the illusion of wearing heels."

Why Barbie Feet? "The shape and position of the foot when doing the pose can be compared to that of a Barbie doll, whose feet are moulded into a permanent point."

Just as her breasts are moulded into a permanent perky point and her face to a permanent perky smile. What a role model.

But how apt. It used to be that women were merely urged to develop their "bikini bodies" come holiday season. This was a vague mandate, usually involving a bit of weight loss, waxing and exfoliating.

We have always suffered the oppression of women's bodies, the pressure to be thin and neat and homogeneous.

Now we have websites desperate to use women's body insecurities and to generate traffic to their stories.

Now we have Celebrity Instagram, which has helped create and promote a largely unobtainable look for women already burdened with trying to please the myriad eyes upon them: the male gaze, the social media gaze, the media gaze and the fashion gaze.

And there's no real escape from it. Ultimately, women in the public eye sell themselves with their personal aesthetic. They make money from looking a certain way. Explicit dieting and extreme thinness have fallen out of favour due to campaigns to improve self-esteem among young girls and women.

Celebrities have long been charged as being a root cause of negative body image among women, leading to, at its worst, self-harm and eating disorders.

So, sneakily, weasel words about "fitness" and "wellness" are used. Dieting is now "clean eating", an expensive trend that promises redemption through food. Exercise for the sake of slimness is "wellness".

Modern body fascism touts itself as obtainable through exercise. A few more squats, a few more glute bridges, and you too may have a Toblerone Tunnel.

These are merely the repackaging of the same old, same old problems. It is the same self-imposed oppression, sold by women to women.

Who can be bothered? How much self-inflicted misery is to be generated in the world before women wholesale reject the social, cultural and moral baggage placed on our physical appearances.

Surely now we're running out of body bits to categorise? That's naive. I've not read much about forearms or fingers so there's still that to come.

Of course shapely celebrities want to offer highly-stylised Instagram pictures of their physical achievements.

It is one thing to accept that part of the human condition is to strive for superficial betterment. But creating ludicrous umbrella terms for women's micro-body parts is nothing but vanity and self-loathing, encouraging the vanity and self-loathing of others. Toblerone Tunnel? Barbie Feet? These are ridiculous, pathetic.

They are an attempt to make women feel less than they are, and surely we're wise to those sad tricks now.