BEER is in the news just now, what with Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court hearing and, on a brighter note, the Ayrshire Beer Festival packing enthusiasts into Troon this weekend. Looking back at the stories on beer in The Diary over the years, readers were reminiscing about the dreaded 10 o'clock closing in Scottish bars. Said one Glasgow imbiber: "A crowd of us in The Curlers in Byres Road were told to drink up and get out, and with so many beers in front of us we put beer mats on the top of the glasses, tipped them upside down on to the table, and pulled away the mats and made a quick exit.
"As the edge of the table had a lip on it, pushing the glass to the edge wasn't going to help. Needless to say, we didn't go back for a while.”
Steady now
A READER told us about getting a train home when a little girl with her father watched a chap being a bit unsteady on his feet. "He's probably had too many beers," said her dad, but the little girl replied: "Rachel's daddy likes beer." So her dad explained: "Yes, but if you have too many it can make you fall over."
"Should we tell Rachel's daddy?" said the girl. "Oh, he probably knows," replied her dad.
Alien feeling
WHEN the first flight by Ryanair from Prestwick to the Lithuanian city of Kaunas departed, we delved into the tour guide In Your Pocket: Kaunas where we read: "Lithuanian beer is all light and bright in terms of taste and texture, but packs a punch. It seduces you like Lolita in a summer dress and then takes you down like a body slam from Jabba the Hutt. It can even lead gentlemen to go to bed with one and wake up with the other."
Making a move
IT is the nature of the business that newspapers and magazines have to put in the occasional correction. One of our favourites was in the online news magazine The Slate which stated: "We quoted photographer Tom Sanders as saying it takes him five years to get on the dance floor. It should have read 'five beers’."
Miaow
WHEN lager brand Foster's announced it had sold a million pints since becoming the official beer at Glasgow's Hydro stadium, an Australian told us Foster's was not that popular in Australia – possibly down to the taste – and added: "We often wonder how they get cats to squat on top of an open can.”
Nippy
A VETERAN barman once told us of his first shift in a Glasgow bar when he was asked for a "half and a half pint" which used to be a common tipple. He said: "I served the whisky, turned to pour the half pint, and when I took it over I couldn't see the customer. He had done a runner after drinking the whisky. From that day on I always served the beer first when asked for a half and a half.”
Tackling a pint
FOOTBALL authorities Fifa had a newsletter article about funny episodes at games which included St Mirren player Steven Thompson whom Fifa recalled: "Thompson gave into temptation during a 2009 pre-season friendly between his club Burnley and Portland Timbers in the USA. After falling over the billboards, Thompson came to rest by a stall promoting beer. 'I landed on this person's table and I just instinctively grabbed this guy's pint and had a drink,' the player said."
Naturally he was capped by Scotland.
Beer goggles
A YOUNG Glasgow chap heard his girlfriend snort as she was flicking through a magazine and came across a picture of a bikini-clad lovely advertising a brand of beer. "So are they saying," said his girlfriend derisively, "that if I drank enough of these beers I'd look like her?" "No, I think they're saying," replied the chap, perhaps foolishly, "that if I drank enough of them, I'd think you looked like her.”
Ale and hearty
AND the growth in craft ales, especially India Pale Ale, reminded an Edinburgh reader of his grandfather telling the old gag: "Customer walks into a bar and says, 'Give me a beer'. 'Pale?' asks the barman. 'No, a glass will do fine,' replied the drinker.”
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