What's brewing

GLASGOW brewers Tennent's held a bash to open their new visitor centre, and we went to see if they could actually organise a whadyamacallit in a brewery. A few pints and plates of canapes later we can confirm they can. Particularly enjoying himself was the student wearing a sweatshirt with the badge of the Glasgow University Tennent's Appreciation Society. When I was at college all we had was a chess club and a rugby club.

Anyway our favourite Tennent's story was the company rep who went into a Gallowgate pub where the owner feared he might lose his licence as there had been a fight on the premises. The rep tried to reassure him that these things happen, but the owner added that the police had been called in. Again the Tennent's rep said that it was a common event. "No' wi' horses it's no," replied the glum owner.

Hearing voices

A POSTSCRIPT to the Scotland Israel match at Hampden with Barrie Crawford telling us: "My son took a group of BB Junior Section boys to the match. It was one wee lad’s first time at a live game. After about five minutes, the boy turned to my son and asked, 'What’s happened to the commentary?'”

Tanning it

GLASGOW daily deals company Itison featured on TV's The Apprentice this week with owner Oli Norman being sold a piece of art – a glittery owl – for his office. You can't even trust your own company's social media as Itison put out on Twitter after the episode: "Insider rumour: founder Oli had three spray tans before his appearance."

Chew on it

WE mentioned gifts to teachers and Gilbert McKay says: "I was lucky enough to have been a primary 7 teacher in an old area of central Glasgow, now long gone, sadly. One day a pupil offered me a sweetie. Without looking, I picked the first thing available in the paper poke. It was so revolting I couldn't stop myself asking, 'What in the name of the wee man was that?' 'Aw, sur,' came the half apology, 'you've got my chewing gum'."

Seeking goals

SNP MP Hannah Bardell has been rebuked by The Speaker for playing keepy-uppy in the House of Commons chamber with other football-playing female MPs. A reader comes to her defence by telling us: "What's the problem? There seems to be a balls-up in the Commons every other day."

Takes the biscuit

THE things children say, continued. Says Peter Sommerville in Greenock: "My daughter was helping out with the primary one class her twin boys are in and the teacher asked the class what an umpire was. One girl said it was something to do with tossing a coin while one of my daughter's sons insisted it was a biscuit – he was nearly correct!"

Talking turkey

IT was Thanksgiving in America yesterday, but it was surely harsh of a reader who contacts us and says: "In the UK we celebrate Thanksgiving as the day we managed to ship all our paranoid religious fundamentalists off to another continent."

Iron lady

OUR talking posh stories remind entertainer Andy Cameron: "Years ago there was an American golfer called Chip Beck who I believe some lady golfers in Bearsden didn’t know, until someone mentioned him and one of the posh ladies from North Glesga remarked, 'Oh, Chip Beck is actually a golfer? I thought that was what one did when ones ball ran through the green."