Chickening out

OUR story about the teacher trying to chalk a picture of a sheep on the blackboard reminded Ian Craig in Strathaven: "My wife, a music teacher, recalls attempting to illustrate animals on the blackboard some years ago as part of a lesson. She fully admits that artistry is not her forte but was left somewhat embarrassed when a pupil pointed out that 'chickens have only got two legs'."

It's a wrap

CAN'T avoid mentioning Christmas from now on, sorry. But how many folk can identify with Dan Regan who says: "We have a yearly tradition of my wife insisting we decorate the Christmas tree together, followed by her rearranging 90% of the ornaments I put on."

And an Uddingston reader says: "I was playing Christmas hits very loudly while I wrapped presents, tutting very loudly, and refusing all offers of help. I suddenly realised that my transformation into my mother is now complete."

Book it

IT'S the Christmas Evening at Waterstone's in Sauchiehall Street tonight with events for book-buyers looking for present suggestions, including the new Herald Diary book. This year's publication includes the story of the Glasgow woman bumping into an old pal who told her: "I recently ended a three-year relationship." She then added: "It's OK though, it wasn't mine."

Take a bus

FOLK have been reminiscing about old Corpy buses, and a West End reader recalls: "Years ago a new bus driver was told he was to take over a bus at Botanic Gardens where the driver had been taken ill. Asking how he was to get to Botanic Gardens he was told, 'just take a Number 1 bus'. The Number 1 bus in question was later found after a couple of days parked in Queen Margaret Drive as the new boy had taken his instructions literally."

Thistle do nicely

OUR tales about being tardy for work reminds Harry Laird that one of his staff once told him that he was late because he had been held up by football traffic. When Harry asked who was playing, the chap replied: "Partick Thistle." It is somewhat harsh of Harry to add: "Am I gullible or what! Partick Thistle... playing football!"

Having a ball

ALSO being a tad harsh was an Ayrshire reader adding to our pretentious west end stories by telling us: "A mother from New Cumnock was in Glasgow at the weekend, having her first sight of her daughter's student flat in the west end. She reported back, 'Where she lives is very hipster, there were people playing lacrosse across the street'. Even by west end standards, that's upmarket. But kudos to the mother for recognising lacrosse."

A wash out

A READER having coffee in town hears a woman at the next table ask her pal: "How do you organise a ticker-tape parade? My husband came into the lounge last night and announced that he'd emptied the dishwasher."

Icy response

OUR old barman tales prompt Jim Thomson in Bothwell: "Many many years ago I was in my local on Glasgow’s south side enjoying my usual hauf and a hauf when a visitor ordered two drinks and asked for some ice, to which the barman replied, 'Dae you think you’re in America?'"

That's torn it

GROWING old continued. A Glasgow reader tells us: "I heard a young woman on the train into town the other day complain to her pals about something that was never a problem when I was young. She told them, 'One day I'll be able to put my jeans on and not get my toes stuck in the ripped knee part'."