That's quacking
THE beguiling picture on the front of The Herald yesterday of actress Keira Knightley at Buckingham Palace proudly displaying the OBE she had been awarded, reminds us of other medal stories that we have covered in The Diary over the years, including the late, great, Glasgow writer Cliff Hanley who was proud of being dux of Eastbank Academy. He once claimed that his house had been broken into and when explaining to the police officer who attended that his dux medal had been stolen, the officer asked with some astonishment: "What did your duck do to get that?”
Warded off
FELLOW Glasgow writer Meg Henderson once told us of being at Glasgow's Western Infirmary when Lisbon Lion Bertie Auld arrived soon after Celtic had won the European Cup to visit his sister who was a patient. Before Bertie got to the female ward he was mobbed by male patients, many dragging drips behind them, limping and leaning on each other to ambush Bertie who, ever the showman, happily handed round his medal and gave a kick-by-kick account of the final.
Says Meg: "He was still there at the end of visiting time, and I remember his sister yelling, 'Come up and see me sometime, Bertie!’"
Comedy gold
WE heard an after-dinner speaker, following the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow, telling her audience that the Scottish team at the Games had ended up with 18 gold medals, 11 silver and 22 bronze, before adding: "That'll serve the Canadians right for leaving their lockers open.”
Saved it
SIR Alex Ferguson really is a winner, pushing his players hard, which leads to his Aberdeen side winning the Scottish title in 1980 before he headed to England to manage some team or other there. The Herald reported after the title win that he had motivated Aberdeen by pointing at goalie Bobby Clark, and asking the younger players if they wanted to finish up like Bobby and serve with the club for 15 years without securing a championship medal. He meant it kindly, we're sure.
Worth a shot
THE family of a retired Ayrshire miner, to mark his 90th birthday, applied to the Ministry of Defence for the medals he was due for serving in the Home Guard in Cumnock during the war. The MoD was interested in the claim that he had been wounded, until told by the family that on the first parade night with actual rifles he was accidentally shot in the knee by a comrade.
The MoD explained that as this came under "friendly fire" there would be no citation – even when the family wrote back: "When a man from New Cumnock is wounded, however accidentally, by a man from Cumnock, there is no way this can be described as 'Friendly Fire’."
Stung by Nettles
GRAEME Hyslop, the former principal of Langside College, was also once at Buckingham Palace to be appointed an OBE like the lovely Keira. He remarked to his family while waiting at the Palace that there were also police officers there receiving the Queen's Police Medal. His mother-in-law looked around and confirmed he was right. "There's Tom Barnaby from Midsomer Murders," she said, pointing to actor John Nettles.
Fishy
WHEN the Olympics were on, not everyone was impressed with some of the less mainstream sports. A Renfrewshire reader told us: "Having watched the 10-metre rifle competition and the extremely high tech rifles used, I feel it would be more appropriate that the winner be presented with a goldfish rather than a medal.”
No stopping them
THE bikes used in indoor track cycling have no brakes as you don't want someone in the middle of a fast group suddenly coming to a halt. As a viewer in a Glasgow pub exclaimed: "So gold medal winner Chris Hoy was on a bike with no gears and no brakes that cost £10,000?
"You've got to hand it to those boys at Halfords – they can sell anything."
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