Long life of Brian

THE controversial 1979 film, Monty Python’s Life of Brian, was accused of blasphemy upon its release and banned in many towns and cities across Britain, the US and elsewhere.

In some places, the ban was enforced for several years.

Not all the cast, however, took it sitting down.

In his newly-published autobiography, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, Python star Eric Idle recalls that the Welsh actress, Sue Jones-Davies, played Brian’s revolutionary girlfriend, Judith, in the film and appeared “fiercely naked” in one particular scene.

When the film was first released in her home town of Aberystwyth, the local council, like many others, banned it from public screenings.

Thirty years later, the town found itself with a new mayor, who promptly overturned the ban.

And who was the new mayor? Step forward ... Sue Jones-Davies.

Indecent haste

CHRISTMAS being but a few days away, what better time for another crematorium story?

Reader Hugh Murray tells the Diary: “Your crematoria stories reminded me of an experience a good few years back when I was sitting in the crematorium at the funeral of a friend and fellow bowling club member, who had played successfully with myself and another chap in a few competitions.

“A club member sitting immediately behind me tapped my shoulder and asked in a whisper, ‘Can I have his place in your triple next year?’”

Meat you halfway

A COLLEAGUE of the Diary’s disclosed yesterday that it is fully 30 years since he took the decision to become a vegetarian.

His mother, however, didn’t quite grasp the concept - at least at first.

The day after he swore off meat forever, he was at the family dining table when she laid a large, steaming bowl of soup in front of him.

He stared suspiciously at the bowl,

“What kind of soup is it, mum?” he asked.

“Pea and ham,” she said.

He paused. “I’m a vegetarian now, mum.”

“So?” she said. “Just eat the peas!”

Old jokes’ home

A MAN walks into a library and nervously approaches the librarian on duty.

“Excuse me,” he says, “but do you have any books on paranoia?”

“Yes,” she says. “They’re right behind you.”

Picture this

IN response to positively dozens of Diary readers (oh, all right, one) who have emailed to ask whether there is, by any chance, an anecdote about Princess Anne anywhere in Ken Smith’s latest compendium, The Herald Diary: No Moos is Good News (Black and White Publishing, £9.99), we hope the following will suffice.

Comedian Kate Robbins recalled meeting the princess at a charity event a few years ago.

During the pre-show line-up, Anne chatted briefly with Kate and asked the question that royals have asked ordinary people for decades: And what is it that you do for a living?

“I’m an impressionist,” said Kate.

“Do you have an exhibition on anywhere?’”, the princess asked.

You don’t say

DIARY reader Drew Fleming passes on a quip heard at a meeting of the weekly Widowers Group in Bishopbriggs.

“One member asked us, ‘Do you know that in the Canary Islands there are no canaries at all?

“’No’, we responded.

“‘Aye, it’s true. Not one. And it’s the same in the Virgin Islands – no canaries there either!’”