COME Monday it will all be over. No, not Brexit; that one is set to run and run like some grisly political version of The Mousetrap. 

Monday is the day most children return to school and everything officially gets back to normal after the festive season.

Now, you may be one of those who greet this resumption of the old routines with dismay. Perhaps you took part in the mass mock on Twitter on January 2, when Scots still on holiday teased workers in England who had to go back to work? 

Monday might be too soon for you to even contemplate the fact that the holidays are over. Every summer, some back to normal refusenik is discovered still with their Christmas tree up, fighting the good festive fight.

Wise men and women, however, welcome this time of year with a sob of relief. Since the festive season began some time in August, 2018, the normal functioning of society has been slowly crumbling, culminating in the chaos of the past fortnight when most things and people have been out of place. 

Regular mealtimes and bedtimes have gone for a Burton. The TV schedules are out of whack. Neighbourhoods have been invaded by friends and relatives from all points of the compass. No-one knows when the bins are being collected, or which ones should go out. And everywhere, from the garden centre to the supermarket, there are children, children, children.

It is most discombobulating for anyone who craves routine, and I reckon that is a larger number than may care to let on. Despite the desire to think of ourselves as free spirited, go with the flow, take each day as it comes types, people tend to be happier with an ordered life. 

 How else does one explain the current mania for decluttering, as illustrated by the success of Marie Kondo’s books, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up: A Simple, Effective Way to Banish Clutter Forever, and Spark Joy: An Illustrated Guide to the Japanese Art of Tidying? Her first guide sold five million, her second more. 
Kondo's achievement has even prompted a market in parody books, such as Sarah Knight’s The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a ****.
Another trend picking up speed in recent years is Bullet Journalling, in which you organise your life on paper to a detailed degree in the hope that this will make more efficient use of your time.  It's basically an old idea – writing stuff down – reinvented for the millennial set. 
Kondo is set to gain ever more followers now that she has her own series on Netflix. In each episode, she drops in on an American family struggling to cope with the amount of stuff in their lives. Like Mary Poppins with a mania for folding, she shows them how to organise their home so life will be less stressful in future.
Too much stuff. Talk about a first world problem. To give them their due, the couple in the episode I watched last night at least had the good grace to look ashamed at all the clothes and possessions they had accumulated over the years. They had so many things they had even bought replacements for items that were not missing.
Kondo’s philosophy is simple bordering on the bleedin’ obvious: keep the things you need or that give you pleasure, and ditch the rest. After that, as we used to say in ye olden days before tidying became a "thing", have a place for everything and everything in its place. Free up all that time spent looking for things and put it to better use.
The couple, who have a baby and a toddler,  were delighted with Kondo’s advice, though whether they were less stressed because the house was tidier, or they had simply spent more time in each other's company, was not clear.
One wonders how long it will last. My own attempt at tidy wardrobes lasted about a fortnight before I began to think that if life was too short to stuff a mushroom, it was definitely not long enough to fold clothes into thirds. Happy tidying. I'm sure that Kondo book Santa brought is in that Christmas pile somewhere. 

FROM the kerfuffle over Greggs non-meat sausage rolls (end of life as we know it or recognition that tastes change?) anyone would think veganism is the piping hot new trend. In fact, the most fashionable -ism of the moment is lesbianism.
The nominations list of the Golden Globe awards, which take place tomorrow night, show sapphism is having a pop culture moment. The Favourite, with Olivia Colman as Queen Anne, and Rachel Weisz and Emma Stone playing the monarch’s rumoured lovers, is up for five awards. Also on the list, for TV drama, is Killing Eve, featuring an international assassin with a passion for clothes and women. When the Bafta nominations are announced next Wednesday it would be a surprise if Keira Knightley did not feature for her portrayal of Colette.
What is refreshing is that there has been relatively little fuss over the characters’ sexuality. Not a horse has been frightened, nor a scandal proclaimed. Changed days, and only for the better. 

SOME anniversaries just jump out of nowhere, like chuggers, suddenly demanding your attention.
One such emerged last week. “Holyrood looks for July 1, 1999 babies for 20th party,” The Herald headline announced. Goodness, can it really be 20 years? Some might date the Scottish Parliament proper to October 9, 2004, when the Queen opened the new building, but July 1, 1999 was when it officially opened, or rather reconvened.
It is a great idea to have some of the 163 babies born that July day take part in the celebrations. The 163 attended the 10th anniversary event, and having them back again is a chance to see how they, and Scotland, have changed. It is Scotland’s very own version of the landmark Up documentaries that have followed the same group of children born in 1964.
Since the parly is in the mood for a wander down memory lane, perhaps it could bring back some of the MSPs from 1999, among them Wendy Alexander, Tommy Sheridan and others. I’m sure they would all be delighted to see each other again. Go on, Presiding Officer, work your magic.

DELIGHTED to see dogs are still fulfilling their role as rather smelly cupids, as in the touching story of James Middleton and his new love.
(What do you mean who the heck is James Middleton? He’s Kate’s brother. Kate as in Duchess of Cambridge? Yup, it has been a slow news week.)
Mr Middleton met Alizee Thevenet, who works in the City, when she stopped to say hello to his spaniel, Ella. They got chatting (Alizee and James, not Alizee and Ella; now that would be a story), one thing led to another, and the pictures from their Caribbean holiday made the papers yesterday.
Given the success rate of dogs in bringing people together it is a wonder they do not get into nightclubs for free. As I discovered over the holidays, the fancy new mutts of today could even be served their own tipples. Brewdog, for example, has produced “Sub Woofer”, an alcohol free beer for dogs. Not to be outdone, another firm is offering “Pawsecco”, a “healthy, herbal infusion”.
It’s enough to drive the Rovers and Tiddles of old to drink.