YOU may, or may not, believe in the literal or symbolic resurrection of Jesus being celebrated by Christians across the world today. And you may, or may not, believe that Jesus died on the cross to show us the redemptive power of suffering. But one thing most of us can probably agree on is that being human necessarily involves suffering. There's no getting away from it.
Suffering can make its presence felt in different dimensions – physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. Usually, it is multi-dimensional because if you are in emotional pain, it manifests in some symptom or another in our physical body. People who are grieving heavily often experience the pain of loss as a physical ache, they feel literally heart-broken. Or those who experience extreme anxiety will suffer not only a sense of terror but from nausea, chest pain, dizziness and palpitations. Conversely, those who are in chronic physical pain as a result of disease, become depressed, agitated or overwhelmed by hopelessness. Their world darkens over, narrows down so that their only reality is pain. They become their pain and it has a bitter taste.
Suffering can come quick or slow, be big or small. It can creep up on us, invisible almost until, one day, we feel engulfed and saturated by it. Sometimes, it comes violently, felling us with that life-changing phone call or the traumatic experience that assaults our world, leaving us with nothing but the tattered remnants of the life we thought we knew and had. Suffering is the sum total of our mental and physical responses to pain. It is never pain-free, but that doesn’t mean it’s always negative. The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche put it very succinctly when he said: “To live is to suffer but that to survive is to find meaning in that suffering.”
Whether the stimulus to suffering is internal or external, most of us will do anything to avoid it. We will self-medicate with alcohol, drugs or obsessive behaviours. We will lash out at others, often those closest to us and blame them for the pain we are in, even if it’s not their fault. We howl in protest: “Why me! What did I do to deserve this? It's not fair!” Even when the people who caused our suffering are long gone, we continue to suffer in our memories and flashbacks to the hurt and trauma they inflicted on us. It is difficult to make sense of suffering but our resistance to it acts not as a block to pain, but as a block to meaning-making and personal growth.
In Man’s Search For Meaning’, Dr Viktor Frankl (1905-1997), holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, wrote about his horrific experiences in the Nazi concentration camp at Dachau. Almost his entire family (mother, father, brother and Frankl’s pregnant wife) were exterminated. Frankl realised that while he was powerless to stop the heinous acts of Nazi cruelty, degradation and humiliation, he still had control over how he reacted to those acts of cruelty: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” In understanding and recognising this, Frankl retained the emotional and psychological autonomy which enabled him to make meaning out of unimaginable suffering. In this sense, the dark cloud of suffering offers the possibility of a silver lining. It can be difficult to see and grab hold of, but it’s there. It’s here. Our own suffering helps us to empathise with others and encourages compassion and humility. It can also be a powerful stimulus for social action and change (think of Nelson Mandela). Developmentally, suffering offers us an opportunity to grow, to change course, to spring clean our lives. It tells us something is wrong with our lives. In the most extreme circumstances where we find ourselves challenged and threatened at every turn – emotionally, physically and psychically – suffering can force us to adapt and adjust in ways that are potentially life-enhancing.
Rather than dive for cover when you feel the chill wind of suffering heading your way, maybe try grabbing it – if not with both hands – maybe just with one in order to get the feel of it. It's possible that you may even find enough meaning in it to resurrect the Phoenix in the ashes. No pain, no gain.
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