Name that tune
CELTIC Connections continued. Mike Ritchie tells us: “Aaron Lee Tasjan, in his support slot to Margo Price at Oran Mor earlier this week, told the audience, ‘My surname is kinda weird. Just hope I’m pronouncing it right’.
“And, introducing his fine song, 12 Bar Blues, he explained, ‘This is about drinking in twelve different bars, not a musical playing style’.”

Cat got the cream
TOUGH, bringing up kids. A dad in Hillhead tells us he found his young child pouring milk on the cat, and asked him what he thought he was up to. “Mr Paws is thirsty, and he likes to lick himself,” was the reply. “Wasn’t sure how to argue with that,” says dad.

His bet was toast
SUGGESTIONS have been made that the old Scottish staple, the plain loaf, might be on its way out due to falling demand. It reminds us of actor Alex Norton’s tale of the Glasgow punter who dreamed that the winner of the Derby had something to do with bread, so his heart missed a beat when he saw one of the horses was called Mother’s Pride. Putting all his cash on it, he went in to the bookie’s after, only to be told his horse came last. “It canny have. Ah dreamed it had something to do with bread.” 
“Well,” said the bookie’s clerk. “It wiz won by some big ootsider.” 

Police mark poetic justice
BURNS Night this week so well done to Police Scotland for posting on social media that there was a report of a public disorder incident at Alloway Auld Kirk where Ayr resident Mr Thomas o’ Shanter claimed to have seen women in a state of undress cavorting in the ruins.
Added Police Scotland: “Safer Communities officer PC Jamie Dunlop stated, ‘This incident highlights the dangers of consuming too much alcohol and travelling home unaccompanied. We encourage anyone going out and attending licensed premises to plan their night and ensure that they have arranged transport home. Avoid joining groups of unknown persons as they may not have the same idea of a good night out as you’.”

Let that one pass
OUR tale of Janey Buchan standing for election reminds Ian McLean: “In a past life, I was a PE teacher and had constantly to remind pupils that the school’s rules regarding their language applied equally on the football pitch as in any classroom. However, one class delighted in shouting to their best player, ‘Buchan, pass the ball!’. His name was indeed Buchan.”

Catch me if you can
MORE hospital tales as a reader tells us: “Twenty years ago I had a mysterious illness and was put into the Isolation Ward in Dundee’s Kings Cross Hospital. I mentioned to the nurse I’d never been confined on my own in such a way before. She told me to go and mingle with the fellow patients. ‘But don’t they have infectious diseases?’ I asked. ‘Maybe,’ she replied, ‘but you’re not likely to catch anything’.
“I stayed in my single room for the four days I was in hospital.”

Best foot forward
TALK of the council spending millions to tart up Byres Road in the west end reminds us of conversations that you only seem to hear there. We recall the woman meeting friends for cocktails in a Byres Road bar who said she had come off her bike because of a huge pot hole, then added: “Fortunately, I remembered my ballet training, and did a beautiful arabesque into the bushes.”