Got her number
INTERESTING times. A reader emails to put the Prime Minister’s announcement into perspective and explains: “Independence polling at 25 per cent – ‘Of course you can have a referendum’. Independence polling at 50 per cent – ‘Now is not the time for a referendum’.”
She wears it well
A READER swears to us that he was in his local in Glasgow at the weekend when a woman of a certain age came in to meet her pal who remarked: “That’s a lovely coat.”
“Thank you,” said her pal. “My husband got it for my 40th birthday.”
“Well it’s certainly worn very well,” her pal replied.
Cracking comment
A KILLEARN reader passes on: “Seen in Great Western Road, a glazier’s van with the legend, ‘Hendersons the Glaziers - we’re only a stone’s throw away’.”
Getting his wires crossed
ACTOR Alex Norton is touring his one-man show, There’s Been A Life, based on his autobiography, and will be at Glasgow’s Citizens on Monday.
We remember when Alex was at the city’s Buchanan Bus Station filming a scene for Taggart, and standing around waiting, he watched the buses leaving before asking a fellow thespian: “Do you see that bus? Why would someone put ‘Kill Malcolm X’ on the front?” wondering whether it was some kind of political statement.
His colleague looked over before telling Alex: “It’s Kilmacolm X, Alex – the bus is going to Kilmacolm Cross.”
Could murder a pint
OUR old pub joke sparks off a great deal of reminiscing. Entertainer Andy Cameron keeps the theme going with: “A tall handsome guy walks into a pub in Maryhill and the blonde brassy barmaid is stunned. ‘Haven’t seen you in here before. Are you local?’ ‘Aye but ah’ve been away for 20 years’ says the gorgeous one. ‘Abroad?’asks Blondie ‘Naw ah was in jail’ says the big hunk, ‘Ah murdered ma wife’.
“’Oh’, she says, pauses for a minute, and then, ‘So, on your own then?’”
Just a wee joke GROWING old continued. Posits Simon Caine: “Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you’ve got a weak bladder. Then it’s probably the worst thing imaginable.”
Giza look at that
TOURISTS continued. Says James Beedie: “My wife reminded me of the time when she was on a bus tour in Stirlingshire. On board was a group of American tourists when all of a sudden there were cries from one of their group, ‘Say, look at the Pyramids’. Passengers were mystified, until my wife realised they were looking at coal bings.”
Happy drunk
THE remake of Whisky Galore!, starring Eddie Izzard, James Cosmo and Gregor Fisher, gets its cinema release on May 5. An actor on the film told us they were filming a party scene and one of the younger actors asked if anyone was actually drinking alcohol. “I think Gregor Fisher’s drunk,” said our actor friend. “How do you know?” he was asked. “Because he’s smiling,” he replied, suggesting that Gregor is sometimes a bit of a sourpuss.
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