Bun fight in Greenock
OUR bakery story reminded Tom Strang in Barrhead of his student days driving a van for Ascot Bakery in Greenock. Says Tom: “As the last customer left my van, a four-year-old boy jumped into the back and said, ‘Mister, gies a bun’.
“When I asked if he had any money and he said no, I told him he couldn’t have one. After a five second delay, the urchin said, ‘Gies a bun mister or I’ll fart in your van’.
“He duly got the bun.”
Losing your balance
DID you have a good bank holiday? A reader going to work yesterday morning in Glasgow was queueing at an ATM when the chap in front told his pal: “They should have a defibrillator beside these machines when you check your balance after a holiday weekend.”
Wiped smile off his face
SOMEHOW we stumbled into tales of primary school toilets, and Ian Forrest reminds us: “When my stepfather was teaching a new P1 intake at Edzell Primary, one wee lad fae up the glens was excused to go to the toilet. Several minutes later he reappeared and asked in a loud voice, ‘Wha aboot here wipes erses’?”
“Poor fastidious John, a bachelor until 50, had to do the honours.”
Art attack
SEE modern art? Deedee Cuddihy visits the Gallery of Modern Art in Glasgow where a large sign at the main gallery states: “The new exhibition is Cancelled”. When she asked a member of staff for more information she was told that the exhibition later this month is indeed going ahead, and unfortunately for staff, it is indeed called “Cancelled”.
In the dog house
PARENTING continued. A Bearsden parent asked his daughter on her return from nursery with a painting what it was. “Our dog,” she replied. “It’s very good,” he told her.
“Then why did you not know what it was?” she asked.
It’s a steal
STREET traders continued. Gordon Casely recalls: “Years ago at the Barras I watched two chaps selling bath towels. They started the prices high, and then came down to a mere pound for what they claimed was 100 per cent genuine Egyptian cotton. I felt I couldn’t lose, so tentatively stuck my hand up. The lead trader must have seen the look of disbelief on my face, for he turned to his china and said, ‘A towel to the gen’leman ower therr. And pit it in a poly bag tae keep the gen’lman’s fingerprints aff the stolen property’.”
Tart reply
MORE on Ecclefechan Tarts as Jim Arnold on Arran tells us: “Recently, the new owners of the village shop were encouraged by the visiting wholesaler to stock Ecclefechan Tarts. Not familiar with it, they asked a regular if she had ever heard of an Ecclefechan Tart. Before she could answer, a voice from further down the queue replied stoically, ‘Aye, a’ married wan o’ them’.”
Hard to swallow
AFTER The Herald news story about Theresa May having an awkward dinner with Jean-Claude Juncker, President of the European Commission, a reader emails us the menu from the dinner: Cold shoulder, pig’s ear and egg on face, followed by hard cheese, and sour grapes for dessert.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel