A dog’s life

WE mentioned inspired cartoonist Bud Neill, and Ian Millar recalls: “My father once worked for Cambuslang butcher Adam Chapman who bred the occasional litter of Great Danes and sold a puppy to Bud Neill. Not having heard anything about the pup for some time, Mr Chapman rang up for a progress report. ‘Great Dane?’, said Mr Neill. ‘Da’in great!’”

Bottoms up

WE’RE on the final straight for the General Election thank goodness. Theresa May getting a bit of a tough grilling these days. A reader writes: “Did you know that Theresa May is an anagram of ‘Heat My ....”. Well you can work it out for yourself.

And after The Herald news story that Labour’s Scottish leader Kezia Dugdale wouldn’t want a drink with Nicola Sturgeon, reader Alastair Gordon reacts: “Wait tae yir asked hen!”

Ear, ear

BRINGING up teenagers, continued. Says Elizabeth Hackett: “I’d only want to be a teenager again so that when someone has just finished lecturing me, I can pull off my headphones and say ‘What?’”

The cup that cheers

SCOTTISH Junior Cup final at the weekend with the magnificent trophy going back to New Cumnock in Ayrshire by winners Glenafton Athletic for only the second time.

Our local correspondent Matt Vallance reveals: “Glen captain Craig Menzies took the Cup into the bowling club and my grandson was allowed a drink from it. This is a rite of passage for any young man from about here; it is such a massive cup, that when you tilt it to drink, whatever is in the cup comes at you like a tidal wave.

“The lads were well warned. ‘Noo, ca’ canny boays. Dinnae scale it, we’ve pit guid whisky in it’.”

Just the ticket

WE liked actress Helen McCrory’s tale of being awarded an OBE. Helen, who appeared in Peaky Blinders and played Cherie Blair in The Queen, is the daughter of a Glasgow-born diplomat.

She told the Radio Times: “I got a phone call asking if I was going to accept my honour. I said, ‘Oh, thank you, what honour?’ and they went, ‘Your OBE.’ It was unopened. I thought it was a parking ticket.”

Getting banjoed

WE asked what you did at school but never since, and Bill Eadie paints a great picture with: “Sing ‘Plink, plink a plonk’ in imitation of a banjo to the tune of Camptown Races. There were no banjos available at Kinning Park Secondary and a music teacher made us improvise.”

Arguably the case

WE asked about the signs of growing old, and a Milngavie reader tells us: “Arguing with your mates for hours about something as you and your friends prefer the argument to simply looking it up on Google.”

A crying shame

A COLLEAGUE catches my eye and comes over. “Did you hear,” he says, “that a lorry carrying freshly chopped raw onions has overturned on the M8?”

I wait, fearing what’s coming next. “ Police are urging drivers to find a hard shoulder to cry on.”