Smile on my face

SOME weather yesterday. A reader heard a fellow customer in a Glasgow pub berating his mate for not bothering to vote. His pal came back with: “No even Gene Kelly would go out in that rain!”

Talking of the election, we liked Simon Blackwell who commented: “At the polling station. Bodes well for Labour - loads of young people here. Or I might possibly be at the wrong primary school.”

Paisley pattern

TALKING of the rain, Donald Grant in Paisley tells us: “Was just on the bus on a very wet morning. A well dressed elderly lady came on, sat down, and made a couple of small wipes on the steamed-up window. Seated behind her was a woman and a wee boy of around five years of age who piped up, ‘Granny Is that the Queen waving to people?’”

Calling time in the pub

AND talking of pubs, Roddy Young was in a Partick pub where the staff were wondering where the new start was as he had not turned up for his two-hour trial shift.

Says Roddy: “At 6.55pm, almost two hours late, he casually walked through the door protesting his innocence. ‘I was asked to do a trial shift from five to seven’, he insisted, which was a misunderstanding about what was meant by five to seven. I’ve not seen him since.”

Hey good looking

A LAID-BACK long-haired surfer type from San Diego, California, has been sitting in Glasgow’s Buchanan Street selling friendship bracelets he makes with a sign beside him stating “Handmade bracelets by this handsome guy”.

Deedee Cuddihy chatted with him and he revealed that while he liked Glasgow, people frequently stopped and asked him: “Is the ‘handsome guy’ away for his lunch break?”

Play time

WE asked what you did at school, and never since, and Melvyn Haggarty in Bellahouston says: “I loved my days in Craigton Primary, but one subject I have managed to do without since was Handwork, the so-called ‘bonus’ at the end of a hard day of spelling, sums and writing.

“We had to play with something called ‘raffia’ and make models from papier mache. I was handless then, and have studiously avoided such activities ever since.”

Girlfriend advice

A KNIGHTSWOOD reader says he was in a city centre pub where a toper was telling his buddies: “The wife said she thought my best mate’s girlfriend was a gold-digger and I should warn him about her.

“I told her I wasn’t going to say anything, and when she asked me why not I told her, ‘Well he never warned me’.”

Feeling your age

GROWING old, continued. A reader heard a chap in his golf club announce: “My doctor told me exercise would add years to my life. It’s true. I tried a jog around the estate and came back feeling like I was eighty.”

He’s a card

LOOKED up and caught a colleague’s eye. Oh no. He’s coming over. “Someone poured glue over my playing cards.”

I just stare at him before he adds: “I’m finding it hard to deal with.”