You know you’re getting old
WHEN ... the consultant at the hospital looks like a first-year medical student (Keith McClory)
... the hairdresser says “Do your eyebrows, sir?” (Michael Watson (and Stuart Russell, too))
... you turn to The Herald Family Announcements before the Herald Sport
... your grandson asks if you never thought about doing anything about your physique
... you see your grandpa looking back at you when you’re shaving (all Russell Smith)
... you painstakingly plan your route to avoid motorways.
... you check the alcohol content on the bottle of beer before buying it (both Andrew Foster)
... you dread rising from your chair because your knees audibly creak and you make all sorts of groaning noises (Anon).
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Cliff’s dogged appeal
“YOU definitely know you’re getting old”, Ronal Brown says, “when you find one of the characters in The Last of the Summer Wine wearing the same jacket as you”.
On the other hand, he continues, “there are some situations which can make you feel ‘young’.
“I had first-hand experience of this when I accompanied my late wife to several Cliff Richard concerts. A look round the audience had the desired effect.
“In fact, on one occasion, I found myself sitting next to a lady who had brought her Hearing Dog along with her, making her an ideal audience member for a Cliff Richard concert.
“The little Yorkshire Terrier in question”, Ronal adds, “appeared to enjoy the entertainment on offer”.
History, re-written
CELTIC may think they recently won their sixth title in a row but Rangers chairman Dave King asserts that it’s only two-in a-row - the other four trophies happening to coincide with seasons when Rangers were absent from the top flight.
Derek McKay, from Coatbridge’s Big Tree Bar Celtic Supporters’ Club, has a question, though. “Is it true that Celtic fans can claim a refund on tickets at the recent Lisbon Lions celebration at the Hydro”, he asks, “given that they didn’t actually win the European Cup because Rangers weren’t in the competition that year?”
No dinosaurs were harmed
AS film critic Anne Billson points out, the Violence to Animals in Film blog is useful source for those who are hypersensitive about the subject matter. But it’s not without a sense of humour. Thus does its listing for the 1924 film, The Thief of Bagdad, have Douglas Fairbanks bumping off a series of fantasy beasts: a dinosaur monster, a giant flying mouse and a giant underwater spider ...
Jailhouse rock
AS a follow-up to our Elton-John-in-Airdrie item last Friday, we belatedly notice one official reaction to Elton’s weekend gig. Police Inspector Andy Thomson tweets: “I might have to jail Elton - inciting disorder by playing Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting”.
And finally
OLD jokes’ home. This one is from Robert Gardner.
A tourist saunters into a pub in Llandrindod Wells and says: “What’s the quickest way to get to Brecon from here?”
Rhodri, the landlord, replies: “Are you walking or going by car?”
“By car, of course”, says the tourist.
Says Rhodri: “Well, that’s the quickest way.”
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