Gone to her head

A WHITECRAIGS reader passes on that he was on the train into Glasgow yesterday when a young girl got on and told her pals she met: “My hair’s so amazing today I hope I bump into all my ex boyfriends.”

Pie’s the limit

THERE’S something unique about Scottish football. Greenock Morton were playing a friendly against Turiff United at the weekend when the club noted on social media while describing the game: “Bob McHugh meets a Doyle cross with a header that skews wide and knocks club secretary Antonia Kerr’s mum’s pie out of her hand.”

Minutes later the club added: “Excellent hospitality from the hosts as a Turiff United official appeared with a replacement pie free of charge.”

It’s catching

IT somehow reminds us of a Morton friendly against Dundee when their trialist keeper let in four goals in the first half. An irate Morton fan bought two pies at half-time and threw one at the keeper while shouting: “See if you can catch this” which, to his credit, the keeper did.

One of Tayside’s finest approached to see who threw the pie but the fan held up his second pie and declared: “It wisnae me. I’ve still got mine.”

Sheepish reaction

WE’VE not mentioned Kilwinning recently. John Bannerman reignites our interest in the strange goings-on in the Ayrshire town by telling us that a chap got on the train at Kilwinning the other day with a sheep on a lead.

Alas John was unable to ascertain whether he had to buy a ticket for it.

That’s a belter

COMPUTERS really are changing the way we think. A Motherwell reader says he was putting his grandchild in the back seat of his car, and after strapping him in told the young lad that he just had to click the front of the seatbelt to release it. “Is that a single click or a double click?” the young one asked.

Going down the drain

AS we end our tales of asking directions, Gordon Smith in Govanhill recalls driving across Wales to Holyhead to catch a ferry, and asking a local chap in a village en route if there was a public toilet, but could not make himself understood.

Says Gordon: “Eventually my wife leaned across and in her best ‘I’ll handle this’ accent, said, ‘We’re looking for a urinal’. The old fellow said, ‘Well, I knows a Hugh Jones and a Hugh Williams, but I doesn’t know a Hugh Rinal’.”

Brotherly love

AND at a slight tangent, George Tomlinson says: “My two friends, brothers, we’re touring Donegal, and decided to visit their father’s brother that neither had seen for over 20 years. They knew the village but not where he lived, so they went to the post office and asked for the directions to ‘auld Mick’s house’ and were told that sadly Mick had died a week earlier.

“The brothers decided to offer commiserations to his wife, but when they introduced themselves, the widow said, ‘He’s only been dead a week and you two are over to see what you can get your hands on’.”

Playing the game

TRIED to slip out of the office undisturbed, but a colleague trapped me. “Had enough of my wife’s little games,” he declared.

“Don’t know why she has to buy the travel edition of everything.”