Purple prose

OUR tale about Led Zeppelin reminds David Russell: “As a rookie cop I attended Edinburgh’s Carlton Hotel in the seventies with an older cop following a report of excessive noise from a suite.

“We found an after-gig party by mega rockers Deep Purple in full flow. ‘Turn the noise down son!’ said the older officer. ‘But we’re Deep Purple!’

“’I don’t care whit colour you are son, turn it down or somebody’s getting lifted,’ he replied.”

Jock Stein pitches an idea

WE mentioned taciturn footballers, and Carole Craig tells us: “My late dad worked with the STV Outside Broadcasting Unit, which included setting up all the camera and electrical equipment for football matches. One evening he came home and told us rather excitedly, ‘Jock Stein spoke to me today’. We asked in awe, ‘What did he say?’ Dad replied, ‘You and your men get aff ma pitch’.”

Sean has a ball

OUR Bruce Forsyth story was about a pro/celebrity golf match at Gleneagles. Mandy Struthers in Uddingston recalls: “Sean Connery was taking it very seriously and there was a huge gallery watching him. He came up to try and sink a 15foot putt - silence all round. As he addressed the ball a Glaswegian elderly female voice rang out, ‘Gaun yersel Sean’. Connery laughed and threw his club in the air.

“American actor Steve Forrest didn’t have anyone following him round the course, so he asked my son, who was 11, to follow him , which he did until he got bored and followed Brucie and Jimmy Tarbuck instead.”

Scraping the bottom

UNUSUAL insurance claims continued. Ian Gray in Croftamie tells us he was sailing on Hillend reservoir near Airdrie in the Flying 15s class when the water was very low and old cottages flooded by the reservoir were near the surface.

One of the boats scraped along the chimney pot of a cottage and the resultant insurance claim had the insurance company rep declaring that he knew Flying 15s were fast, but didn’t think they could take to the air.

Summer in the city

WELL that’s a disappointing summer almost over. A Glasgow reader overheard a young woman tell her pal: “Glad I didn’t bother getting my summer body this year.”

Bit of a sew-and-sew

SOMEHOW we wandered into the world of Lex McLean’s jokes at the Glasgow Pavilion. John Sword recalls: “He once declared that he came from a musical family. His brother played the piano, both his parents were in a choir, and he added, ‘Even my mother’s sewing machine is a Singer’.

“I told that joke to a young person and she hadn’t a clue what I was on about.”

Dark humour

CAN’T believe we’re dipping into cannibal jokes, but because of the eclipse this week, a reader says: “An astronomer in a jungle to observe an eclipse was captured by cannibals. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he’s not released, so he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him.

“’Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky,’ he replied.

“The astronomer was delighted, as that fitted in with his plans, until the guard added, ‘But because everyone’s so excited about it, we’re going to wait until after the eclipse’.”