Took a ribbing

WE ran a picture of a medical student's skeleton on display at the Larkhall recycling centre. Reader Jean Miller was there the other day, and not seeing the skeleton asked where it was. "Well we spied two lassies moving him even though he was strapped to a chair," she was told. "When we asked, 'Where you gaun wi oor skeleton?', we were told, 'Just a wee lend mister fur Hallowe'en'. And this was still August! 'Pit him back, he's no yours', they were telt. He's safe in the hut noo."

Cutting remark

A FIFE nurse swears to us that a patient recovering after an operation had to be told that he was going back into surgery as staff believed a swab had been left inside him and it had to be taken out. "Here's 10p," said the patient. "It cannae be worth more than that."

Shot him down

A NEWSPAPER article about the 35th anniversary of the death of fighter ace Douglas Bader, who flew with artificial legs, reminds our old photographic chum John Young of when legendary Glasgow photographer Jack Middleton, who walked with a limp after childhood polio, was sent to photograph Bader at a memorial garden in Couper. Says John: "Bader saw a limping Jack approaching and angrily said, 'Are you taking the mickey?' Jack merely replied, 'No, I thought you were'."

Had it licked

THE difficulties of parenting, continued. A Knightswood reader tells us he bought his two young sons ice cream cones on an unusually sunny Saturday at the weekend. He returned with one with vanilla ice cream and one with chocolate, and asked the boys which one they wanted. Immediately one of the lads answered: "His!".

Thistle do

THE old Evening Citizen offices in Glasgow's St Vincent Place have been turned into a smart bar called The Citizen by the Di Maggio Restaurant Group and even has an exclusive Editor's Suite where customers can store special bottles of whisky. So not quite like editors' offices these days.

My favourite introduction of a story printed in the Evening Citizen was by sports writer Malky Munro before he moved to the Evening Times who began a report on a Patrick Thistle game with: "When I was nine years old, my father said to me, 'Son, it is time you discovered what suffering means'. And he took me to see Patrick Thistle."

Flaming row

INCIDENTALLY, for real nostalgia I recall when I was a young reporter on the Evening Times and an auld Glasgow biddie in the city told me she was a bigger fan of the rival Evening Citizen. When I asked why, she said that the bigger Citizen pages "drew the fire better" when you were lighting it. Younger readers, ask someone over 70 for an explanation.

Bricking it

OVER in America, entertainer Bette Midler mused: "I have a week off. I'm pooped. I don't want to do anything but sit and stare at a wall. Sadly Donald Trump has totally ruined walls for me."

Flight of fancy

WE mentioned Chic Murray gags, and thank you to readers who sent in their favourites. Sadly we've printed most of them before, but one I hadn't heard came from John Mathieson who says: "I liked his comment on the compensation culture where individuals took advantage of deficiencies in the performance of public services. As a school boy he was on the top deck of a bus with his father when the bus performed a very abrupt emergency stop. Passengers were thrown forwards, and Chic said, 'I was uninjured, but fortunately my father had the presence of mind to throw me down the stairs'."

Picture this

MORE on growing old as a colleague ruefully observes: "I'm that ancient I can recall when a plasma screen was a blood test."