Rolling it in

LAST week of the old pound coin. A reader down in London thought it was clever of his local pub to put a sign outside on Monday which stated: "We will give you beer in return for your old pound coins. This week only. Offer must close Sunday."

Black affronted

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YOUNG Paisley MP Mhairi Black had a blistering attack on Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn during her speech at the SNP conference in Glasgow yesterday. We did like the start of her speech when she told the audience that she had a bit of a cough then added: "But the sign behind me looks quite sturdy."

Meanwhile a delegate at the conference tells us he wonders if there is a bias towards Scotland's other national drink within the SNP. He says: "I wanted to use a drinks vending machine at the conference but there was no result when I pushed the buttons for my first, second and third choices. It was only when in desperation I pressed the Irn-Bru option that a drink was finally released."

Tripped up

AH yes, the October weather. Ray Bradshaw comments: "Just saw a group of European school kids in Glasgow on a rainy October day. They must have seriously annoyed their teachers last year."

Not cutting it

WE asked for your stories to mark National Curry Week, and Jim Scot tells us: "I was in the Tiger of Bengal in Dunfermline years ago when a guy came in on his own and ordered a chicken bhuna, two buttered naan breads and a pint of lager. When it came he put one naan on the plate, poured the curry over it, put the other naan on top, cut it into quarters and ate it like a sandwich.

"I tried to do it once but ended up looking like a road traffic accident. Maybe it was the five pints of lager in my case."

What a pair

RELATIONSHIPS continued. A Hyndland reader tells us that he asked his wife how many pairs of shoes she had and she answered: "Only seven or eight." He found that difficult to believe so after looking in the wardrobe which was stacked out with shoes he asked again, and she told him: "Oh do you mean including ones I don't wear?"

Fiery response

FORMER Tory Minister Baroness Trumpington, who got some publicity a few years back for giving a fellow Lord the V sign with her fingers in a House of Lords debate, is retiring from the Lords at the great age of 94. She's a shrewd old bird as she once declared: "If you are ever attacked in the street, do not shout, 'Help!' shout 'Fire!'. People adore fires and always come rushing. Nobody will come if you shout, 'Help'."

Not very p.c.

WE should write our last postcard story, but before we do, John Mulholland points out: "I bought some postcards while on holiday this year to send to family and friends. I enjoyed choosing cards with nice views and thinking of something suitable to write, buying the stamps and posting them. Unfortunately some people didn't quite see it my way. A friend texted, 'Just received postcard. What's the point? You do realise you could have saved 65p on the stamp and a pound on the card by taking a photo with your phone and posting in on Facebook? You must have more money than sense'."

Adds John: "I still haven't replied to his text as I've run out of Basildon Bond notepaper."

Being needled

DAFT remark of the day comes from a Motherwell reader who says: "Told the wife I wanted a tattoo which she thought was a mid-life crisis. She wasn't keen but said if I had to, then make sure it was done in a place that didn't matter.

"So I'll get it done in Hamilton."

Run with it

AN AYRSHIRE reader passes on the wise words from a chap in his local golf club who interrupted a discussion on keeping fit with: "Running feels great - unless you compare it to not running."